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(16 Posts)
dollylucy Mon 12-Sep-16 00:14:51

My h died, we were going to get divorced.
I'm so sick of having to do everything
The worry of ds
I feel like I'm going to explode
Can I just moan here?

ToastByTheCoast Mon 12-Sep-16 06:35:46

Hi, of course you can. It is hard having all the responsibility and worry to yourself. And you've had lots of emotional upheaval, plus supporting your DS. How old is he?

dollylucy Mon 12-Sep-16 07:35:41

He's nearly 9
Today I have to go into school to talk about a fight he had sad
Had 2 hours of crying yesterday after the fight - both of us crying

And the dog is upset nervous barky and I think he's actually ill now.

ddrmum Mon 12-Sep-16 10:47:54

Is there play therapy or anything similar at your child's school? Sounds like both you you could do with talking to someone. Difficult time for you bothflowers

dollylucy Mon 12-Sep-16 11:29:51

Nothing like that at school
I engaged a clinical psychologist at the end of last term, to check he was ok at school. he's doing ok at school.
I think I need to talk to her more about bereavement
It's really hard to know what behaviour is due to bereavement and what is normal- he had angry outbursts before.

I had friends, a lot don't bother anymore.
My "best" friend hasn't even text me in the last 6 months.

I just feel very alone
I have family support but they are away atm.

Actually they love me, but no-one really does anything for me except my mum

Flowerpower41 Mon 12-Sep-16 11:50:41

Sorry to hear about your plight.

Whereas people are usually excellent at supporting others through divorce/break-ups I doubt the majority are similarly excellent at bereavement.

Hope you find a sympathetic ear for both of you. They really should have a counsellor/family support type person in a role at the primary school. It is usually either a drop-in or appointment run system - could you try calling the school office to see if there is something available for your ds - and hopefully yourself.

dollylucy Mon 12-Sep-16 12:11:35

It's an independent school, so not typical.
Anything I need I have to source and pay for myself
I've lost count how many times I've been to the gp

ddrmum Mon 12-Sep-16 12:25:43

Perhaps bereavement counselling could help?? My friends DC had counselling after her DH died through the hospice - may be a route to look to if your GP is not being helpful. So sorry you're having such a bad time. cakeflowers for you & your DS

ddrmum Mon 12-Sep-16 12:27:41

Sorry, only if hospice care was required. Sorry for your loss eventhough you were about to divorce. Doesn't make it any easier though.

hesterton Mon 12-Sep-16 12:33:51

I've taught for 20 yrs and honestly bereavement is behind such a large number of behavioural issues.

Your boy is suffering. You are suffering. I can't express how much I feel for you in this situation. Bereavement when things weren't great at the time.of death is every bit as bed if not worse than if you'd been getting on fine.

Love bomb your boy and find him some help.

Do whatever you can to support yourself to come through this. Every tiny bit of strength you can muster -it will get better.

Be incredibly kind to yourself.


SharonfromEON Mon 12-Sep-16 15:05:47

There is somewhere I think called winston's trust(I think) that can help offer support to bereaved kids..

It is exhausting doing it on your own..

dollylucy Mon 12-Sep-16 18:06:36

One of the kids today told me that his Dad said he's not allowed to have play dates with ds anymore.
Cos ds had a fight, which was caused by kids being mean and ds losing his temper.
And a food fight
That's nice and supportive
Bloody kid invited himself anyway and his father always extended it, and he's never been invited to their house anyway.

Flowerpower41 Tue 13-Sep-16 06:56:14

Have you heard of WAY the widowed and young ? It is a social meet up group nationwide for families who are widowed. They meet up with their children both widows and widowers - not a dating site or anything but just get togethers.

Somebody I used to know used it and was very grateful for it. Might be worth a whirl? Try to see if it is where you live. Hope this helps.

dollylucy Tue 13-Sep-16 11:01:02

Thanks Flower
I feel like a fraud with real widows.
My H was abusive, so I don't really have positive feelings towards him, which is so different.
as well, another issue is anxiety, meeting new people fills me with dread.
I have had counselling. It was good to talk, and for someone to acknowledge how complicated it is, but not really any practical help.

dollylucy Tue 13-Sep-16 11:02:58

I actually think me and ds are doing ok.
I'd rather he let it all out and cried once in a while. It's just so hard to listen to him hurting

Flowerpower41 Tue 13-Sep-16 11:50:51

It must get on top of you op.

When ds was younger I used to call the Samaritans for a sympathetic ear. I just needed somebody to listen. It took years to get over losing my mum.

Those days are long gone and yes it must be hard to see your child in pain like that. Just try to make sure the school offers him something even if it is just talking to his favourite teaching assistant from time to time for example.

Hope he gets a wee bit of support.

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