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Am I breaking my custody agreement by taking my child out of school without informing her father?

(14 Posts)
jml2012 Sun 04-Sep-16 16:27:23

My child is 4 and lives with me full time. She has visits with her father every other weekend. We have an official custody agreement where everything is written including holiday periods. I have full physical custody, but her father has joint legal custody, meaning he has a right to share decisions such as schooling etc.

This week, my parents are visiting and I have taken my daughter out of pre-school (where it is not compulsary to attend until she turns 6) without informing her father.

I had not infromed him of my decision as he is very high conflict, and the least he knows, the more peaceful my life is. Now he has found out and he is saying that by not infroming him, I have broken our agreement.

But I dont consider this to be true as her visits with him have continued as normal. I have not taken her abroad, infact I have been working while they spend time together. The way I see it, I can do what I like in my time with her without informing him. If I had taken her out when she was 6 during term time, he would have an argument, but this is not the case.

Has anyone had any experience of this?

NyronNosworthy Sun 04-Sep-16 16:34:10

He's trying to control you and provoke a reaction. Ignore ignore ignore

Footle Sun 04-Sep-16 16:48:53

Would you expect him to inform you if he took her out ?

VimFuego101 Sun 04-Sep-16 16:53:42

As Footle said, presumably you would expect to be informed if he took her out of school.

jml2012 Sun 04-Sep-16 16:56:54

yes he is for sure trying to control me, and I have learnt the art of ignoring. I just need to know I am not going crazy by thinking ive done nothing wrong, and that a court would see it this way also. If it was the other way around as long as he returned her on time it would be none of my business what he did.

jml2012 Sun 04-Sep-16 17:01:13

if she was 6, and school was compulsary, and she had been taken out in term time, yes I would expect to be notified. However, in this case school is not compulsary, its not term time as its summer holidays

SharonfromEON Sun 04-Sep-16 22:51:44

There is a difference between pre school and school.

No you do not have to tell him every move you make with your DD..

mineofuselessinformation Sun 04-Sep-16 22:59:15

Yes, it is about control, and no, you don't have to tell him, let alone ask.
To put it into context (and to stop you doubting yourself), if your dd was at school and she had an accident that needed medical attention, could he reasonably expect you to ask his permission first? Of course not.
Just ignore.

AndNowItsSeven Sun 04-Sep-16 23:01:01

6? Where do you live?

Fourormore Mon 05-Sep-16 18:51:16

I'm assuming you're not in the UK?

My ex and I have co-parented for a long time and one of the things we always notify each other about is taking the children out of school. It's just courtesy, IMO. I wouldn't ask permission from my ex but I would just let him know. In your shoes, and with a view to reducing conflict, I would apologise and commit to informing him next time.

jml2012 Tue 06-Sep-16 10:58:37

I am not in the UK no. Unfortunately, co-parenting is not an option, we have to adopt parallel parenting due to the high-conflict. I absolutely agree under normal circumstances where there are healthy boundaries etc, it would be common courtesy to notify the other parent. Unfortunately its not so simple in this case.

jml2012 Tue 06-Sep-16 10:59:44

thanks mineofuselessinformation its interseting when you put it like that

Fourormore Tue 06-Sep-16 11:18:55

It's not an equivalent example.

Asking permission to give medical treatment, no. Informing him that she needed medical treatment, absolutely yes.

MyPeriodFeatures Tue 06-Sep-16 15:54:09

Pre - school isn't compulsory. If he's making an issue out of that he's an idiot.

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