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Access for newborn EBF baby

(5 Posts)
BzyB Wed 03-Aug-16 22:31:16

Has anyone been in this situation? What have you done? Baby is due in October.

With our toddler, as a baby he would refuse to bring her to me if I was asleep when she was really upset, despite my requests. This makes me very reluctant to agree to contact outside of the house. But he also makes me feel uncomfortable in my home when he is here (tbh, I would say I feel repulsed by him and atm keep my contact with him to literally seconds on access days), and also I worry that too much time here might be confusing to our toddler especially at a time when theres already a huge change in her life. However, I still need and want to be fair to him, and allow a relationship between them in the future, as I do with the toddler.

I know I shouldnt feel this way, but if he decided he didnt want any contact with either child, Id feel a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.

(So glad I have this place to speak my mind!)

SharonfromEON Thu 04-Aug-16 00:01:41

I think the advice is little and often is the advice..I left my Ex at 10 he was BF but obviously weaned so could drink water

Can you restrict him to the lounge..Go in the bath, watch Tv in room, do some cooking. At least you are in the house so you will hear baby crying..

BzyB Thu 04-Aug-16 09:06:56

An opportunity to bathe does sound good! I guess there really isnt an alternative to having him here. I could prep the toddler in advance and hope it doesnt go pear shaped!

lovelilies Thu 04-Aug-16 11:06:22

I'm in almost the same situation.
It's shit.
DD is 6 weeks old and EBF so have had to spend more time with ExP around. Toddler used to stay with Dad wed night til Fri am which worked okay.
Now it's all out of whack, exP trying to make us a 'family' again, wants to 'talk' all the time and says how he's changed etc etc.
He has, to some extent, for the better, but I can't help but think the same as you- if he disappeared it would be easier for everyone!

Was just thinking of starting a thread actually, toddlers behaviour has gone down the pan a bit since being alone with his dad.. I'm sure it's messing him up but there's nothing I can do! DD 1 from prev relationship doesn't want to spend any time with ExP so I feel like my family is all fragmented sad

Ideally I'd like it to just be me and the kids forever (or at least the DCs being happy to go off with exP).
I'm at a loss what to do for the best.
Sorry for the hijack

BzyB Sat 06-Aug-16 00:03:59

Not a hijack at all. I also have older dd from previous relationship but her relationship with newly ex-dp was awful near the end. He was an ass.
I'm not sure if you are saying your son got worse after split with staying with your ex or when baby came along but both major changes and he's still v v young! I try to be positive about dd2s access visits with her dad even though I'd rather keep her with me!

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