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Grandparents access

(2 Posts)
amyjjj Mon 01-Aug-16 14:11:34

Can anyone tell me whether a contact arrangement between a grandparent and child would prevent one from travelling abroad?

And does anyone have experience of being taken to court by a grandparent for access?

I know she has a right to apply for leave to apply for access.

I'm losing sleep, my asthma is bad and I feel worried sick. My emotionally abusive mother who has had previous contact with my child is threatening court.

Mofymuma Tue 11-Oct-16 13:04:09

Hi amyjjj,
I'm sorry this is happening to you.
I had 18 months of this. I had an abusive upbringing at the hands of my mother and step father, didn't have much to do with them until I fell pregnant and they weedled their way back into my life. I used to allow them contact with my kids (major regret of mine!). It caused a lot of conflict, they were the enmeshed types of narcissists that were using my children as a second chance of parenting, would walk all over our parental boundaries, bad mouth and manipulate the children against other family members, including their father. Finally went no contact with both in 2014. They had threatened GP rights since the children were babies so I knew what was coming. They were granted leave to apply and won that, but ultimately lost the court case 18 months down the line after carcass ordered no direct contact. They actually withdrew their application the day before the final hearing so they would not technically lose. It was the worst 18 months of mine and my partners lives. We actually offered them supervised fortnightly access 5 times throughout the proceedings of which they rebuffed. They didn't want to do what we as parents said, they wanted a judge to tell US what to do. It's no doubt due to this constant refusal of access that played against them in the end, as most normal loving grandparents would never turn down access to their GC if offered. We are sooooo relieved that no order was put in place as they would have lorded over our lives forever. Instead they got nothing. They came creeping back into our lives a few months later begging for forgiveness, saying taking us to court was the worst decision of their lives, yet we called them out as BSing as, if they had won the case, I doubt they would have had this viewpoint. I told them the only way they would ever see the children again was if they complied to boundaries and could prove long term that they could respect and effectively communicate with us parents. They made it 3 weeks before the same ugly problems and conflicts kept arising. Every day they asked when they could see the children, every day I replied with 'when the trust has been regained, could be weeks, months or year's.. I was accused of 'using' my children when it was actually a safeguarding issue as far as we were concerned. Back to NC again now and overjoyed to have got them out if our lives for good.
Here if you need any help or advice.
Be assured, grandparents have NO rights, and none that overall the rights of a competent loving mother. It's a gamelan situation. You have to be seen as being reasonable so offer them contact that you know they will refuse..mine would never accept that contact need to be supervised, thus they looked crazy for denying contact whilst I looked reasonable and forthcoming.
Let me know how things go

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