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am I doing the right thing?

(8 Posts)
ColourfulOrangex Sat 30-Jul-16 11:05:05

First time I've posted on here so not sure if this is the right place etc but short story...
My sons dad has just told me he wants to sign over his rights, he hasn't seen him in 2 years, no effort at all in this time, no contact etc no help financially, my son is 5 so can't exactly ask what he thinks, he wants to sign his rights over because he basically doesn't give a stuff and doesn't want to pay CSA (the case has been going on for 2 years) I feel bad for my son but can't make him want to be a dad sad I have no support at all, no family around etc and was just wondering what people's opinions were? He also just wants to write a piece of paper and sign it handing over his this enough?

TheWeeBabySeamus1 Sat 30-Jul-16 11:17:24

I don't think that he can legally give up his parental responsibility (because that's what parents have - responsibilities not rights), if it were that simple every useless parent in the land would do it to avoid maintenance.

You're right in that you can't make him be a dad, but he can't jut sign a piece of paper and say he's washed his hands of his child.

ColourfulOrangex Sat 30-Jul-16 12:16:57

It drives me mad, my son is having counselling because of his dad and it would be better for him in the long run if he had no parental responsibilities but why should he be able to just decide he want the responsibility...just to add he is supposed to pay £6 a week CSA and owns his own business so not like he can't afford it

Theydontknowweknowtheyknow Sat 30-Jul-16 12:20:36

I would let him sign over his rights if he wants to. £6 is hardly anything to hold out for and both you and your son will be better off in the long-run without the presence (or lack of it) of a deadbeat dad.

I'm not sure it will stop the CSA chasing him though.

ColourfulOrangex Sat 30-Jul-16 12:30:25

I have just spoken to csa and they said that he will have to pay his arrears and I have no choice over that, that's fine, I've set it up so it goes into my sons account anyway...thank you smile

PortiaCastis Sat 30-Jul-16 12:32:41

I think I'm right in saying that he cannot legally discharge his responsibilities as a Parent. Having said that my exdh cannot be found and hasn't seen dd for over 5 years.
I do understand how you feel and hope you can take a little bit of comfort in reading that you are not alone. This isn't really advice but a bit of a hug.

ColourfulOrangex Sat 30-Jul-16 12:41:08

Hugs are more than welcome, I feel like i have let my son down by giving him such a plonker as a dad, although he wasn't always like this, I think I will make an appointment at CAB next week and just see where I stand, it's just been playing on my mind

PortiaCastis Sat 30-Jul-16 12:49:31

I used to feel like that but dd is 17 and now has her own opinions about her Dad, I've tried not to sway those opinions and that's been difficult. She now says she never had a Dad but if he showed up out of the blue there is no way I would stop her from seeing him if she wanted to. She's 18 and an adult in Oct so up to her.
Good idea to go to the CAB I've always found them helpful. Good luck.

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