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ex coming to pick children up.

(11 Posts)
chocoholic89 Sun 10-Jul-16 06:40:59

Broke up with ex he moved out of our home,but today he coming to take the children out. Iv got so much to say to him how do I keep my frustration quite and put a brave face on?

Loulou2kent Sun 10-Jul-16 06:53:50

Hey Choco, Ali really came on to say is that when my mum n dad split up when I was young (his fault) the best thing my mum did was not slate him or argue with him infront of us. If you know he's capable at having the kids then the things you need or want to say to him can wait till you can speak to him alone. It's a really crappy thing & now I'm older I realised my mum was upset & hated him just coming by to take us out like normal or see us.

The reason they split had a lot to do with it tho, he had an affair & she didn't want us to feel like it was anything to do with us etc. It was a grown ups problem & they would get through it without "using" us.

If however it was something like he was crap with us or had her concerns then I imagine it wouldn't have gone like that.

I'm really sorry your going through this. It's just crap. flowerschocolate for you xx

chocoholic89 Sun 10-Jul-16 07:11:05

I know my little boy is suffering saying that he not goin with daddy ect.. I can't make him but iv said it will b fun.He never did family things when we was together so why now.. he gets to come and have the fun side. X

KittyLaRoux Sun 10-Jul-16 07:18:05

You smile, you jolly the kids along and you say have a nice time as they leave the house.
You do not start an argument in front of the children.
You do not make contact time negative.

Its shit but contact is about your children not you or your ex so you need to remain as civil as possible in their company.

Can you get it all off your chest in here then you might feel a bit calmer by tbe time he arrives?

sandgrown Sun 10-Jul-16 07:18:13

You have to bottle it up for the sake of your children. Even though you may dislike him for what he did your children have the right to a relationship with him. The only exception is if he is a threat to them. Save your "discussion" for. when the children are not around. I went through the same and I know that having to wait to say what I thought also stopped me saying things that would come back to haunt me!

tralaaa Sun 10-Jul-16 07:22:51

You want your children to have a nice time look nice be nice say have a lovely time see you later then make good use of your free time. Make this easy for the children have your say when there not about. Be brave and strong let us know how it goes good luck

chocoholic89 Sun 10-Jul-16 07:28:55

I probably feeling little rejected. He controlled everything and lived a single life when he was here doin what he wants when he wants. All he did was come home from work and play on his game. He had no involvement with me and the children. Everytime I suggest things he was always too tired or he wants to rest. So it was left up to me to do things with my babies.
I wasn't allowed to do this that and the other he had trust issues and I gave him reason to..all I ever did was do things for him or his family I didt go anywhere else.

chocoholic89 Sun 10-Jul-16 07:30:24

Lol he said I gave him reason to!!

tralaaa Sun 10-Jul-16 20:19:27

Hello how did it go I assume you have had drop off too

dreamingofdahlias Wed 13-Jul-16 00:52:26

I am posting here because I literally feel so lost right now.

I have a DD (1) and was with her dad for 7 years. Whilst pregnant I discovered he had been sleeping with another woman who was pregnant and claiming exDp to be the father. Shame, embarrassment and fear kept me with him for a few months until DD was born. I left when she was 10 weeks old as I couldn't bear the thought of her growing up and putting up with the same shit I had.

When the OW had her son a Dna test was done and exDp wasn't the father. However the damage was done as he openly admitted to unprotected sex and the high possibility he could have been the father.

Fast forward and, for the sake of DD, we had remained amicable and had good contact in order. He would mind her three days a week whilst I worked and the spare room became my bedroom so I could stay 5 nights a week. All the while exDp was adamant on fixing the relationship, in a hormonal emotional state I did not feel in a position to even contemplate this as thought it would cause further upheaval for DD, so told him I wasn't ready to even consider this.In hindsight this set up was never going to work but meant we both got a lot of time with DD and were on decent terms.

It all came to a head when I arrived one day to find all of mine and DD belongings hidden away in the spare room (my room). Long story short he had started dating a 19 year old. Did not tell me this, but simply stated the set up we had felt false and we should have space. I agreed and stopped staying.

He then took DD away with his parents for 3 nights on a Uk break. I agreed as thought this would be nice for DD. As soon as they had left, he txt to say they were actually staying an extra day or so. I rang and said I think we should stick to our arrangements as too long for DD to be away from me and think if we stick to our arrangement it will reinstate some trust. He agreed to return her on the original date. This day arrives and I receive a txt saying he isn't bringing her and then him and his parents all switch their phone off. I was hysterical. His dad finally rings me and says she is our family we can do as we please, why are u making an issue. It got heated and ended with him saying "I don't even want her here if u want her so badly come and get her". So that's what I did.

After this he did not see DD for three months. No contact at all, no txt or call to see how she was. I contacted him upwards of 20 times asking if he wanted to see her. He said see you in court.

In June I reached out again and said he is punishing DD and he agreed to meet. Built up contact with small visits and then he had her overnight for two weekends. I offered weekday visits/overnights, the opportunity to come put her to bed on a weeknight which were al refused.

Have a work event where I need to go away this week for a night. Asked him and he said he would have her. Confirmed to me twice it was fine. Then receive a txt saying not happening he is away with work. No apology, no solution offered. Then saw on Fb he is actually away with his GF and his family, and not working like he made out.

We attended our first mediation session last week but it broke down as he wanted every other weekend whereas I said he should see her every weekend for one night and one weeknight as she is so young. He disagreed. My opinion is he wants a weekend to play Disney daddy and a weekend to have with new gf.

So angry and frustrated with this whole situation. My daughter deserves so much more than this. I have tried to accommodate a relationship between them irrespective of the hurt he caused me but feel that it is just constantly being thrown in my face.

Think he will probably go down a court order route as mediation didn't work. Terrified the court will give him all the access he wants legally binding when he has been so absent in her life so far and the main cause of so much disruption.

Posting as I think I just need advice of those that have been here and can tell me it will all be okay

dreamingofdahlias Wed 13-Jul-16 01:01:50

Sorry didn't mean to post that as a reply was trying to start a thread. Have asked for it to be deleted.

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