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Getting custody of my granddaughter

(27 Posts)
user1466545122 Fri 01-Jul-16 00:17:41

Hi I'm aware this probably isn't the correct place to post this topic but I am stuck.
I posted previously about my sons ex girlfriend living with me from November and my daughter moving back home now she's 20 weeks pregnant and her and her partner split up.

I'm going to keep this simple but my sons ex girlfriend Venessa attacked my daughter yesterday she came to my flat to collect her benefits as they go into my bank and barged her way in when I told her to stay outside. I gave her the money outside but she started demanding her rent back but this was rent she owes from weeks ago any how I gave it her as she started to pressure me I'm 61 and can not take all this stress. On the way out she attacked my daughter pulled her exstensions out that then pulled her hair out and hit her head up the door and smashed her phone in the process.

My daughter called the police and made a statement venessa was suppose to go in for an interview today but she didn't go as she has no childcare and has arranged it for next week. I was on the phone to her social worker while the attack happened and she heard everything she called me yesterday and said she will update me soon.

Venessa is now living at her friends house who's kids are also on the child protection list. She is not a good mother I have held back for a while but yesterday I told the social worker everything that has happend and she said I should of told her sooner which I should of.

Any idea where I go from this? I can not imagine social services will allow this to go on for much longer she is a unfit mother.

Emochild Fri 01-Jul-16 00:36:18

Is that her real name? If so you might want mumsnet to remove it

Are her children your son's too? Wouldn't he be going for custody?
Why are her benefits being paid into your account?

tiktok Fri 01-Jul-16 00:36:20

Too many personal details and identifying pointers in your post - you need to report your post to Mumsnet and repost without them.

Having said that, your situation sounds really difficult. Not sure what you think people here can do. You have reported it to social services just yesterday - hopefully they will keep you informed.

But for goodness sake, remove your post with these details. This is a public forum.

snowy508601 Fri 01-Jul-16 00:40:53

Why is she having her benefits paid into your bank account? You are not entitled to make any deductions 'at source' from her benefits even if she does owe you money!!

NerrSnerr Fri 01-Jul-16 00:48:22

There is a lot to unpick here. If that's her real name you need mnhq to remove it.

Why are you getting her benefits? I'm sure you can't keep some either.

Where is your son in all this?

user1466545122 Fri 01-Jul-16 00:54:29

Venessa is not her real name she has two children my granddaughter and a 10 month old to somebody else. I get her benefits because she can't open a bank account I didn't want her money to go into my account but she begged me. My son claims the child benefits and tax credit for both of the children even though one isn't hers.

user1466545122 Fri 01-Jul-16 00:57:59

I didn't make any deductions Venessa gave me this money on Monday when she received her child benefits. She already gave me the money and she started demanding it back when this incident happend. I am not that type of person to take money of someone without asking!

NerrSnerr Fri 01-Jul-16 07:38:08

What is your son doing in all thus? Does he want custody?

Andcake Fri 01-Jul-16 07:45:40

Was going to ask the same thing...what is your son doing...maybe you should help him be a great single dad...

PolaroidsFromTheBeyond Fri 01-Jul-16 07:56:24

The benefits need to stop being paid into your account. It's massively inappropriate and could leave you open to all sorts of accusations.

Barclays do a basic bank account that is available even to those with a very bad credit history (a friend got one immediately after being declared bankrupt). Or she could open a Post Office account.

I also want to know what your son is doing in all of this. Wouldn't your efforts be better served by supporting him as much as possible?

user1466545122 Fri 01-Jul-16 09:23:35

My son isn't fit father he is taking drugs and suffering from depression he is not stable enough to be there for her. She's registered at nursery near my house and she starts at school in September and that's just up the road. I just want to be able to give her a stable upbringing like what my own kids have.

MissBattleaxe Fri 01-Jul-16 09:27:49

Well, you're right to be talking to social services. I don't know what might happen next though, but stop the financial links straight away and try and get the child benefit off your son if he is on drugs.

gamerchick Fri 01-Jul-16 09:30:35

So you managed to make her leave then? Good for you. She's not your problem.

Time to come clean about everything with her social worker and work with them re your grandchild.

Emochild Fri 01-Jul-16 09:43:25

So she's a homeless single parent with no access to her own money, relying on a drug addict and his mum to hand over money that she can legitimately claim for her children?

If it was such a serious assault, why have the police not arrested her rather than arrange for her to come in for an interview in a weeks time?

eyebrowsonfleek Fri 01-Jul-16 09:48:15

Your poor grand daughter. sad

I hope that social services can sort things out quickly.

I would stop collecting her benefits. You can get basic bank accounts even if you have bad credit history. Her money going to you could bite you on the bum. For example she could use it to claim that you are abusive (taking her money)

NikiSaintPhalle Fri 01-Jul-16 10:00:02

I don't understand why 'Vanessa' wasn't arrested for a violent assault rather than invited for an interview she was then allowed to postpone. And I agree with others that you need to sever your financial links with her or risk being accused of exploitation/illegality and jeopardising the possibility of caring for your granddaughter. Can't you see how bad it makes you look, potentially?

Whose social worker were you speaking to on the phone when the assault happened? I think SS would need to be far more convinced that 'Vanessa' is a significant risk to her children before removing them - the bar is actually pretty high.

NikiSaintPhalle Fri 01-Jul-16 10:00:52

I mean, more than 'not a good mother'.

user1466545122 Fri 01-Jul-16 10:35:01

Well my daughter can't do anymore in regards to the assault the officer that is dealing with it now is of for four days so it had to be rearranged for next week. My son doesn't live with me he doesn't even touch the money I normally give Venessa my bank card and let her take it out my bank account. I am quite frustrated as in why I'm being made to feel like a bad person on here I must of came to the wrong place.
I have allowed this girl to live with me two times once when she was pregnant by somebody else she didn't even tell me she just moved out and on the second occasion last year November she moved in saying she wouldn't be here long she was here for months.
When she wasn't receiving any benefits I paid for the kids food and hers and nappies I have done a lot of this girl and she has done nothing but treat me and my daughter badly. She doesn't like to pay her rent she always pays it £10 or more short.
I will cancel the child benefit and tax credit claim but I don't know how to do it will my son have to call up and cancel or should I just write a letter on behalf of him.
I don't want anything more to do with this girl she has been a nightmare from day one.

user1466545122 Fri 01-Jul-16 10:36:56

Also will the the whole bank account thing she is not a British citizen her leave to remain in the uk has not been granted.she is not able to apply for a bank account she is also not entitled to any benefits for herself or any housing.

Emochild Fri 01-Jul-16 11:12:16

There is obviously a massive back story here which we aren't aware of

You've posted on the lone parents board and there will always be a degree of looking at it from the lone parent's point of view

I'm sorry you aren't getting the answers you want but there are 2 sides to every story and there seems to be a few pages missing here

NikiSaintPhalle Fri 01-Jul-16 11:25:30

I don't think anyone is accusing you of any financial wrongdoing, OP, only that 'Vanessa', especially given her apparent violent hostility towards your family, could easily make it look as though you are stealing from her by saying you pressured her into having her benefits paid into your account - and that if you want your granddaughter to come and live with you, it's better that you not be tarnished by any accusations of financial irregularity in the eyes of SS.

(For instance, if you usually just give V your bank card so she can take the money out herself, would you have proof, if the police/SS needed it, that it's V rather than you who withdraws the cash, in the event that she claimed the one making the withdrawals is you, and she's never seen any of the money? Does she give you a receipt or anything?)

It all sounds like a deeply complicated and dysfunctional situation. Again, can you clarify whose social worker you were talking to during the assault? Because it sounds as though everything, including the financial stuff, should go through official channels, especially if Vanessa isn't eligible for the benefits she's getting...?

user1466545122 Fri 01-Jul-16 11:41:00

No I completely agree it's very complicated, I was on the phone to the two kids social worker when the incident happend her social worker said she knows what Venessa is like and isn't surprised by what she done to my daughter.
I will make sure I get the claim cancelled and no there is no proof the only thing I could say is that she withdraws the whole amount that goes in on the same day and leaves my money in there.

I don't know what to do with her things she has left behind shall I bag them up? The police said I shouldn't allow her in the property again and also what about her furniture.

user1466545122 Fri 01-Jul-16 13:30:24

How can I cancel the claim should I write a letter on behalf of my son? My son doesn't mind claiming it because she gives him money to buy drugs.

starry0ne Sat 02-Jul-16 15:36:15

Ultimately there is a child in here. I think you need to inform mum you are no longer claiming and she can set up a basic bank account.

I think there is so much more to this story than here.I would speak to SW about it .

Ulitimately I feel for your granddaughter she didn't ask for any of this and has 2 parents not puttingher first.

braxit Mon 04-Jul-16 18:55:51

I know it's not what you want to hear but you are extremely unlikely to get any care of your granddaughter due to the fact that you diddnt inform ss sooner. I'm not having a go I understand why but it will certainly go against you and you will be seen as a risk.

If "Vanessa" is such an unfit mother that her child would be better off removed from her care ( which is extreme ) and you've not been totally honest with them then there's no way you will be no 1 choice or possibly any choice at all for care. You will be seen as a risk because you have for whatever reason put something before the child's safety and that is all they are concerned with. Like I say I know it's not what you want to hear but that's what's likely to happen, I'm just being straight with you. flowers

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