Mediation

[Louw12345]

Our first joint mediation session is tomorrow and nervous.
I need some I'm power ment from you lovely ladies please. Also if you have exs with new partners

[MeMySonAndl]

Some things to understand before tomorrow:

1. The mediator is not a judge, you don't need to convince him/her of anything or get them on your side.
   
2. mediators are there just to ensure that things do not get heated and each has a chance to talk.
   
3. you don't have to agree to anything the other proposes, if you don't like what you are asked to do just suggest something slightly different until you find a middle ground.
   
4. Nothing that he or you say during mediation can be used in court.
   
5. what you agree in court is NOT legally binding until it has been formalised by court.
   
   Good luck, don't be nervous, you don't need to. But if he is controlling or abusive, you are better off mentioning it to the mediator before the session, as you shouldn't be there if he is.

[Louw12345]

He's not controlling or abuisve more that he can get in my head. Iv had to stand my ground these past few months and found it really hard. But I can't have him coming and going while my children are cdying at school or older one having panic attacks. It's been such a hard time and eventho iv managed to get them back to normal they really do miss there dad. I never ever wanted to stop contact and even though I told him and his family how the kids where he still continued to not see them and spa end all his time with his new girlfriend. I'm not jealous I left him. It's hurts what he's done to the children again.

[Louw12345]

Our last arrangement was Tuesday thuessay tea and every over Friday over night dropping them off at 12pm Saturday. Had to stop Tuesday Thursday when thy was at school. I also had to pick them up then he collect from mine
I think that if he wants them in th week he should get them dom school? Or am I being too hard there?

[MeMySonAndl]

Hey, I never said that you are jealous, or that you are trying to stop contact. I'm not going to say that you need to start with a clean slate tomorrow, but you need to look forward to work on finding a solution that will work in the long term.

Concentrate on getting the best solution to fit the needs of your children. But remember, that children are some times too young to call the shots, they need a responsible adult (or two) that can see the big picture to find what's best for them.

[Louw12345]

Ohh I know you didn't say I'm jealous. I said that coz his mum implied that. The children are all different ages. I just don't want them to be forced being around her. He never sat with them to talked about her didn't see them for months picked 2 up and off they went to see her. His gf gave my older child money and iv got one that haven't met her. Yes I understand with the clean slate I can't help but worry that he won't take his chilrens feelings in account. They haven't seen him probably sInce January. Seeing their dad is what they want. I feel that he won't want that and they start playing happy families. Gosh I do sound like an idiot. All I want is him to build that relationship with the kids. Before she's around them all the time. There's afew kids and bicker what if she's not nice to them. My auntie says my worries come from my childhood coz my dad got a new partner and she didn't like us eventally we got it and stopped seeing him. Crushes me every day don't want the same for my girls 😕

[BlackeyedSusan]

find out what he can commit to regularly as this is in the children's best interests. would you prefer he saw them once per week consitently or go for more often and find it is a bit hit and miss?

[Louw12345]

I want him to see them weekly for now. In the long run I want over nights but to be nice I would like alternative weekends

[Louw12345]

I don't know how it will work weekly though. I do think if he wants to see them in the week for tea he should pick them up fron school. It maybe hard with his job ect. But I have just done a college course and struggled but managed. I want him to be a proper dad not me do this and he gets afew hours here and there

[starry0ne]

How did mediation go?