Ex wants to get the child benefit

[HoundOfTheBasketballs]

Hoping to get some opinions/ perspective on this.

We have shared residency. I have DS 4/7.
I claim no benefits except child benefit. Ex contributes very little/nothing financially. He might occasionally buy DS clothes or pay for a school trip, but I bear the majority of the financial responsibility. I don't chase ex for money as its more hassle than it's worth.

Ex has now decided he wants to claim the child benefit instead of me. This is because if he can show the council he has DS with him the majority of the time he can claim housing benefit. He promises he will give me back the child benefit every month as he doesn't actually want/need that money, just the housing benefit/tax credits he can claim if he is in receipt of child benefit.

I don't want to do this. At all. I also suspect that any benefit claim he makes will be fraudulent as he is self-employed and has "cooked" his books and not filed a tax return or anything for years.
At the moment our relationship is amicable. He has the potential to get very nasty if I don't do what he wants. Is there anyway I can skirt round this? Or am I just going to have to tell him to fuck off and suffer the consequences?

[SilverGiraffe7]

And what about your tax credits etc claims? I'd tell him you've already made a claim for tax credits (particularly in light of no financial support from him) and that you therefore won't be able to sign it over to him. If he kicks off, go for payments from him: in for a penny and all that....

[MurphysChild]

The latter.

He doesn't contribute financially, he is not only asking you to give him the money which you probably won't see again but to be an accessory to his fraudulent claim.

What's in it for you exactly?

[purplefox]

My ex tried to do this, I later found out his next step was to attempt to get full residency of DS as him getting the child benefit, tax credits and housing benefit was going to be his proof that he lived with him full time.

[BeautyGoesToBenidorm]

Why should HE be able to claim housing benefit using the CB as proof when he pays you fuck all?

This has really irritated me. Don't be his accessory. I also seriously doubt you'd see that money again.

[KittyLaRoux]

No.
You owe your ex nothing and this will not benefit you or your child.
Stay well out of it.

[HoundOfTheBasketballs]

I earn just slightly too much to be entitled to tax credits. But maybe, as I've just started a new job, I could tell him I have submitted a claim.
Actually, my new job offers childcare vouchers, which I'm going to use for DS wrap around care. Perhaps I could tell him I need to be claiming child benefit to get those.
What's in it for me?
A quiet life. Not being made to feel like I'm being a bitch because I won't help him out. In spite of the fact that he's done precious little to help me out, financially, ever. He does a very good job of frightening me and making me feel like shit even now.

[BeautyGoesToBenidorm]

You have to justify precisely NOTHING to him. I understand how shit he can still make you feel - god knows I do - but do NOT give in over this. This isn't benefiting your DS in any way, shape or form, your ex is just reverting to his old tactics to get his own way. Fucking prick

[HoundOfTheBasketballs]

Because apparently beauty, we have shared residency, so he doesn't owe me any maintenance. We just do half of everything each.
But if I didn't pay for new uniform and shoes and after school activities my son wouldn't have anything.

[TheUnsullied]

I'd just tell him to fuck off to be honest. You have 50:50 residency but he doesn't actually spend anything clothing his child, etc. You say he's already cooking his books and this is obviously just about getting more money...you wouldn't really be able to do much if he decided to keep the money. If he stops having to pay his rent, what is he actually contributing financially for his child?

[lilydaisyrose]

I work in HB (kind of) and don't understand his reasoning - CB makes no difference to a HB claim as it's discounted, unless he's talking about bedroom tax and needing an extra bedroom and therefore not being charged the under occupancy charge?

[HoundOfTheBasketballs]

X- post there beauty.
Thanks for the support. Just as everything was going along okay, he drops this shit on my doorstep. How I was ever involved with such a dickhead really baffles me sometimes!
I'm going to be strong and remember the old MN adage. "No is a complete sentence."

[poshme]

If there was to be disagreement on where he goes to school, the address of the parent who gets CB will win the argument.

[StickTheDMWhereTheSunDontShine]

Child benefit is for the children. You're the one who buys stuff for the children. Tell him, politely, to sod off and stop being so cheeky.

[BeautyGoesToBenidorm]

Bastard exes always seem to sense when things are ticking along nicely without them

I know exactly how you feel! I feel so cross on your behalf. poshme makes a damn good point as well - don't give in to him on this, there's potentially so much more at stake than just signing over the CB

[Just5minswithDacre]

Proof of CHB is still treated as proof of custody by many government agencies and local council departments.

Any chance he'll be wanting to access social or affordable housing?

[Lordamighty]

If you are frightened of him then make something up. The childcare vouchers sounds believable, I would go with that.

[expatinscotland]

I would tell him to fuck off. He's trying to do something criminal. You help him do this and you are complicit.

[HoundOfTheBasketballs]

Thanks. I hadn't considered the school angle.
I wish I found it as easy to make these arguments when I speak to him about it. He is extremely manipulative and gas lighted me a lot during our relationship.
It makes me so mad that he makes me question myself like this. I'm not weak or stupid in any other area of my life. Just where he's concerned. Like even now, I can't bring myself to stand up to him properly!

[fuzzywuzzy]

You hand over child benefit and he says he's the main carer of your child he could come after you for child maintenance payments.

I seriously would not do it

[BeautyGoesToBenidorm]

Bloody hell fuzzywuzzy, I didn't even think to look at it like that! He sounds like he's capable of that sort of thing too

Hound, I think the MN consensus is loud and clear here!

[bloodyteenagers]

I would email him.
After our recent conversation, no I won't be signing over CB to you. Perhaps if you contributed towards the upbringing of our child I would be more amenable to this. However all uniform, clothes, footwear, clubs, friends birthdays and other countless costs that should be split are paid in full by me. The CB gives me access to additional support that you should be paying for. So no.

[titchy]

4 days out of 7 isn't 50/50.....

[kittybiscuits]

I wouldn't email the above. You should not hand it over to him ever. I would say 'no I'm not going to do that'. End of.

[Snarkmaiden]

Don't do it.
I let exH talk me into this, even though DD1 was living with me most of the week. I spent the next 10 years being chased by the CSA for maintenance. Even when I moved away from the area and finally got the CB transferred back into my name they kept hassling me.

Ex wanted the CB as a passport benefit to tax credits and extra housing benefit. He was going to give me the CB back so I didn't lose out financially.
Like fuck did that happen

[HoundOfTheBasketballs]

I'd never thought about the maintenance either. It's the kind of thing he'd try and do if I pissed him off enough as well.
I'm going to just say no.
And then put up with weeks of sulking, abuse, being difficult about DS, reneging on swapped days.
But I'd rather that than the alternatives some posters here have suggested might happen.
And I'll even offer him half the child benefit every month in cash to soften the blow.
And then forget to give it to him every month like he forgets to give me money for school dinners and football boots. Twat.