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Should I go on holiday with my ex?

7 replies

Devonsent19 · 14/06/2016 20:56

I've got a special birthday ending in 0 in August and I booked a beautiful villa in Portugal for me,my 9yr old DS and my parents months ago.Sadly my DM has become too ill to travel. So it's just my DS and me. My DS is autistic,has behavioural problems and I find him hard to cope with on my own ( he has one to one support in all areas of his life) But I still want to go on holiday with him and I don't want to cancel. My ex partner and father of my DS has offered to come with us. We have a volatile relationship after I ended our relationship 2 years ago.He wants to get back together but I don't and this leads to rows on a regular basis.He said he would suspend hostilities for the duration of the holiday and he should come because our son would like to go on holiday with both of us.He would also help me with childcare so that I would get a break from looking after my son 24/7.He doesnt expect to contribute to the holiday costs as he said he would be doing me a favour,stepping in in place of my parents. So AIBU to expect him to pay a share of the costs? He will pay for his own flight but I'm paying for everything else including flights and car hire, a total of £4,000 not including spending money. Also,I am concerned that we will argue on holiday and end up with an awful atmosphere which will totally spoil everything.But if I go alone with my son, will the stress of coping with him singlehanded mar the holiday?

OP posts:

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MeMySonAndl · 14/06/2016 21:00

I have gone in holidays with my ex, but honestly, in the circumstances that you mention I much rather loose the £4000 than bringing him along.

Honestly, he pesters you to come back, the relationship is volatile, doesn't want to pay a penny and is promising to help you care for DS when he doesn't do at the moment (I deduct that from you mentioning that you care for him 24/7).

Honestly, it will be the holiday from hell.

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KatherineMumsnet · 15/06/2016 12:47

Hi OP, we're just going to move this to Lone Parents for you, where we think you'll get the best response.

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IAmALeafOnTheWindWatchHowISoar · 15/06/2016 20:36

NO! NO! NO!

Don't even think about it. No way would he be coming with me. If he can't behave like a decent human being when you are not under the same roof what makes you think he will when you are under the same roof. You left him for a reason.

Do you have a friend or one of his carers that could come with you?

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starry0ne · 16/06/2016 21:49

OMG no...

He is doing you a huge favour...not yes it would be really nice if we could spend some time with DS..

He will suspend hostilities for the holiday meaning he thinks he is very much in control of this behaviour..Maybe he could give you a break at home..Maybe he could support you give you a break from hositilies at home...

He sounds like a knob and I would rather forego the money than let him go with me

What part of you thinks this was a good idea as you are posting it?

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shazzarooney999 · 16/06/2016 21:50

No dont do it! even though he says he will end hostilities he wont!

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Makemineacabsauv · 16/06/2016 22:15

No, what an absolute nightmare that would be. Can you change the holiday or claim the cancellation back on insurance and book somewhere else? Please don't put yourself in this very vulnerable position.