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Need a rant about ex's constant holidaying/days out with dd

(15 Posts)
piperchapman44 Fri 10-Jun-16 20:24:30

because i can't do it to him or her as it makes me seem mean

every time my ex has dd, they go away somewhere, they do amazing days out. I've just found out he's booked a foreign holiday in the summer - when he's made such a fuss about us having a trip in the UK! He's constantly complaining about us being in family home - how he hasn't got enough to live on because he has to pay rent, he's made me wait to divorce (although i will do it in sept) - we still share a car and he's recently asked me to pay towards service costs -luckily I've found out about this holiday before I did. He has refused to pay anything towards dd's birthday treat, party or presents - because he says, he's just spent xxx on a holiday. Yet he will expect it all to be from us both - BECAUSE I'M IN THE FAMILY HOME which he regards as his.

Just arghhhhhhhhhhh

And they're coming back from their holiday just 2 days before I take her on ours and she will be knackered as he always keeps her up so late. It's the same every weekend- mad day out then I feel she needs to chill out (we do one day each ,he won't switch to EOW because he couldn't go two weeks without seeing her and he refuses to adjust his working hours to allow him. to pick her up mid week).

And then he tells me i can't file for divorce because he can't cope! These are not the actions of a depressed man!!

piperchapman44 Fri 10-Jun-16 20:27:07

I can't flipping wait to sell the sodding family home and have nothing to do with him.

At the moment he doesn't pay any child support as he pays rent - and now I'm figuring out that even when we sell he;s not going to be paying me anything is he - cos it will take away his holiday money!

at the point at which we sell and we have to move away I will insist on eow and just put it in place. i can;t carry on like this. I never do anything with dd as I;m skint and she's always knackered after seeing him!

MrsSpecter Fri 10-Jun-16 20:32:10

If DD lives with you full time then he will be legally obliged to pay you child support for her. It is irrelevant that he has to pay rent on his own place! Get on to CMS and get them on to him. I assume he works?

piperchapman44 Fri 10-Jun-16 20:41:04

I'm letting it go until we sell because there is no mortgage on this place and so I have no housing costs. But he does;t buy her clothes or pay for anything she needs . I can't believe he won;t buy her birthday presents because he;s just bought a holiday!! As soon as we are divorced it will change though. I am going to as the solicitors to draw up proper contact arrangements, e.g. alternate half terms so I don;t end up with a tired child after he;s taken her away, alternate weekends. Just so what he does has less impact and she also gets more time to chill.

We're going to have an epic divorce because he wants 50%, despite the fact I can;t work full time (although I try at 4 days by running around) and I need to live near a secondary school. I am going to move areas and can do it on 55%, although my solicitor says 60% is better because I shouldn;t risk a huge mortgage. If he turns super nasty though I will get onto the CMS, why the hell not, if he is costing me a lot in solicitor fees! I wanted mediation ! In fact ,given that he is refusing mediation I may do it anyway because I was never up for paying solicitors.

I have just found out I can get legal aid at court because he has a caution for attacking me, I've made sure he knows that too if he;s going to be difficult , he;ll be the one out of pocket. I could get a legal aid solicitor but they are few and far between and I figure a good solicitor will be worth their weight, but i was terrified of court because of the costs, so that was good.

just feeling really ARGHHHHHHH he's such a tosspot.

piperchapman44 Fri 10-Jun-16 20:44:18

And presumably I can ask for backdated payments which will come in very handy in the future when I'm paying a mortgage

starry0ne Fri 10-Jun-16 20:50:13

I think you are listening to him far too much..
There is an awful lot about how things affect him nothing about how it effects your DD.
I think he is using your good nature.

My other concern here is the longer 1 day a weekend goes on will it not be harder to say it doesn't work.

piperchapman44 Fri 10-Jun-16 20:51:27

Ah , just read i can only claim from when I put in a claim.
When I've filed the divorce sol will write to him, and if it's evident he's going to piss around and cost a lot of money , I will put in a claim. I don't think asking for 60% is unreasonable when he can live anywhere the hell he likes AND work full time and I can't.

He; so moronic he thinks he will get legal aid because I was apparently abusive in refusing to sleep with him after he'd whacked me/ thrown drinks over me/yelled at me for hours non stop.

starry0ne Fri 10-Jun-16 20:52:15

Also no you can't ask for backdated payments only from when Claim goes in.
I personally think you need to start claiming it save for your mortgage and then you can get to do some nice stuff with DD

piperchapman44 Fri 10-Jun-16 20:54:12

He doesn't think at all how things affect her. He just thinks about himself. I had to negotiate very hard to get a saturday when her best friend (who has just moved far away) is gong to be around so that i can take her to see her (he won;t take her to parties etc). DD is missing her friend like crazy - but he says "it's not all about her".

He's asked for the whole of next weekend with her because it's father's day. So I will allow that and then say I want to swap and do eow after that. Because , maybe, I'd like to take her away or just do something with her when she's not tired....

piperchapman44 Fri 10-Jun-16 20:58:09

If I get solicitor to request payment when she writes to him to kick off divorce negotiations, presumably that may force him to think about doing things quicker as he will struggle to pay rent & pay maintenance. So it may be a tactic apart from anything else.

Can he claim rent or anything from me though because I live in a house which is half his?

piperchapman44 Fri 10-Jun-16 21:00:23

Can I just change it - tell him I want EOW and that's it? He can say no - so who decides?

starry0ne Fri 10-Jun-16 21:26:23

I am not an expert..I really think legal advise..Or post in legal.

I can only say for me when I spoke to my Sols he wouldn't deal with maintenance. He sent me to the CSA ( now CMS) Although there was very little assets in our divorce.

I can't see how he can charge you rent on something you half own but like I say not an expert.

Can I also suggest you don't suggest so you put it so you can do something with her..Sounds like he likes been the Disney dad and won't want you stealing his limelight..

Suggest it allows him to have more quality time with her. Something he might gain from..Play the game he is playing to get some balalnce

piperchapman44 Fri 10-Jun-16 21:35:39

Thank you so much. I have already asked once and he refused so it will be a case of having to just tell him that's the way it will be. But I will couch it in what is best for her (it's too frenetic at the mo) and explain it gives us both active time and down time with her - and offer him a mid week (which he won't take , because why would he compromise HIS job). He will refuse but I'm assuming he would have to go to court to challenge it- it will just be a case of holding firm.

piperchapman44 Fri 10-Jun-16 21:37:00

It would be so lovely not to have to see his face every other weekend grin

1ofthosedays Fri 10-Jun-16 23:29:10

If you don't have a contact arrangement then you can change the arrangements. EOW with a mid week stay and half the holidays is fairly standard but court may rule that the contact arrangements remain as they are as they have been working and is routine for DC. So you would need to change the arrangement ASAP just be ready for push back and conflict though...

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