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In need of a pep talk!!!

(8 Posts)
Rix456 Fri 20-May-16 21:59:59

Basically i had been with my husband for 13 years, 10 days after my dd was born I found some messages to a girl he works with telling her he loved her. After 2 months of him sleeping on the couch he lied and said he was going out I found out the next day he had been to the pics with the girl he denied ever having an affair with. I threw him out that day.
My dd is now 5 months and I'm finding it harder than ever to let go, last weekend he confirmed they were together, i had a bit of a meltdown and had a good cry. It felt as though I was punched in the stomach.
Basically I just want to know how you guys got over cheating exes, I still love him so much and it kills me to think of them together. I try to be strong and move on and then something daft sets me off again, it's like a vicious circle I go through. He still pops over to help bath the baby and look after her, and I think it messes with my head but I don't want to deny my daughter time with her dad... I know it sounds daft, he cheated, I should hate him... But I'm really struggling to move on.

NZmonkey Sat 21-May-16 06:10:41

I'm so sorry to hear you had to go through this flowers and chocolate

Could he take her out for an hour or so rather than having contract with her at your place. Couldn't imagine how hard this must be for you. You sound like you are doing amazing so far given how tough it must be.

Maybe try reposting again in relationships. There seems to be a lot of lovely posters on there who always have really good advise about this sort of stuff.

Rix456 Sat 21-May-16 16:44:27

Thanks for the reply, he does have her over night every other weekend and then through the the day alternating weekends. I just feel bad if I say he can't come over, as it is his house and he has missed so much, but it always results in hours of crying (me). And hours of knowing they are together, which results in me feeling I'm back to square one! I just wish there was a way to get over him quicker, it seems to get worse not better! We were together from being 17 and it all feels wrong 😭

NZmonkey Sat 21-May-16 17:13:45

flowers not surprised you are finding it so hard. Its tough enough getting over a relationship when you never have to see the other person again. Let alone when they betrayed you and then you have to see them all the time. Do you get to do some nice things for yourself when you DD if with her dad overnight and during the day the other weekend?
You really don't have to feel guilty if you don't want to allow him in what is now yours and DDs home. Especially if he is making you so upset, your daughter needs to see her mum happy. Is he close enough to just have an hour elsewhere an extra evening a week on top of the weekends he has. I think with the very young they suggest short time slots but often. I know that must be real tricky with how young she is.

QuiteLikely5 Sat 21-May-16 17:18:43

You should tell yourself that this man was not worthy of your love, he did not deserve you and did not care enough about his child's future to keep it in his pants.

You have had a lucky escape and I promise you will be happy again in the future.

I think what is making this harder for you is all the hormones that are still flying around your body.

The best thing you can do is: when he comes around be the best you can be: happy & beautiful.........

Rix456 Sat 21-May-16 17:59:42

Yes I always try to go out and do things when he does have her. It's just so frustrating because he doesn't tell me when he's having her or what time untill the last minute then has her a few hours and wants to bring her back.
I've been reading up on "the script" & a lot of it sounds familiar, only yesterday I got a full rendition of it, "we never went out, I was unhappy where we live" ect. He seems to have gone back to living the young free life, staying in hotels and going on dates and not giving a dam about us. It sounds daft saying it, because I am a very strong person and won't let anyone take me for a mug, just since he admitted that they are together I seem to have gone back to the hurt I felt when I found the message he sent her (while I was in labour). I feel like I'm stuck in a period of hating him and yet still just want him in my life.
I think I am going to have to put a stop to the "popping over" it's soul destroying. My friends think it's his way of keeping an eye on what I'm doing and who I'm with.
Thanks for the replies x

NZmonkey Sat 21-May-16 19:09:48

My H used to be like that with seeing his DSD and I still haven't really got through to him that being last minute and cutting contact short must be very frustrating for DSDs mum not to mention confusing for DSD who turns 5 today so understands when dad shld be there. H now at least has set times and days that unless something comes up on either side is stuck to. He also used to visit at DSDs mums house as it was easier for him but like you I don't think it was easier for her. She has a new partner now and all Hs contact is away from her house.
You do sound like a strong person and I hope you manage to sort out some arrangements that work for you and your DD not just your ex. And that co-patenting with him gets easier for you.
See you found the relationships board and that there are a few posters who have a better idea of what you are going through than I do.

Rix456 Sat 21-May-16 23:12:29

Yes Thankyou for pointing me in the right direction, I have had some lovely messages which have helped me out things in perspective, doesn't make it any easier but gives me hope flowers

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