Is exp's proposal fair?

[DoctorBeat]

I am prepared to hear both sides and admit if I'm wrong.

We separated about a year ago and have one DC who is 5. No legal arrangements put in place as we were never married or owned a house together. We both work full time. I earn more than him, but my outgoings are about double his as he lives in a house share, whereas dd and I share our own home that I pay all the bills for.

The arrangement always was that no maintenance is paid either way because we split childcare approximately 50/50 and split all other expenses roughly 50/50 e.g childminder, clothes, clubs. However there has been a bit of give and take in that for instance I might pay a childminder bill and forget to ask for the money but then he ends up buying her a new coat or something out so we call it quits. On an average week he has her 2 nights, me 3 and we alternate weekends. However we both have varying work schedules and sometimes need to go away etc so this can vary.

I have been receiving the child benefit up til now. However he has is said that he is broke and thinks that the child benefit should be used on childcare. Recently I have paid out about £500 on clubs and childcare bills, which he appears he shouldn't have to owe me for and that from here on the child benefit I receive should go towards these things. However this is going to be really hard to work out as the clubs and things are paid termly and childcare is paid whenever the cm happens to present us with a bill! Also whilst I appreciate he is broke, I am not rolling in it and I am going to be struggling having paid out £500 that I expected to be reimbursed at least in half. I also feel he is moving the goalposts slightly. I am prepared to be told I am unreasonable though.

[DoctorBeat]

Bump

[honeysucklejasmine]

I don't understand his point. If CB is part of your income, it is going towards dc childcare etc.

Does he want you to give him half of it? Maybe he thinks you may effectively get a £20 PW discount on childcare and he doesn't.

[DoctorBeat]

I have just said I will set up a standing order every month with half the CB going to him and we can still then split everything 50/50 as it comes in and he can still owe me half of what I have paid out recently. Is that fair?

[BatFacedGrrl]

I think what you need to do is immediately stop all the ' I forget to ask him for his half ' and ' he then might buy her some shoes '

Open an account and each put an agreed sum of money in it and use that as the basis for clubs and childcare

[PeppasNanna]

Does he want to be paid the CB so he csn claim other benefits payable to parents such as WorkingvTax Credit/Universal Credit?

Time to make the arrangements a little more formal. Ask your CM for a weekly / monthly bill.

[DoctorBeat]

Yeah I know. I guess I just feel a bit put out as we had always managed it quite amicably til now.

No neither of us would be eligible for any other benefits on our incomes

[BlackeyedSusan]

you get child benefit for the extra night.

[SolidGoldBrass]

'Let's just sort it out between us' is often manspeak for 'Let me arrange things for my own benefit and suck it up, will you?' He wants to take £10 a week from his own DD despite the fact that his housing costs are far lower than yours. What a prince!