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Single parent dating help please

(10 Posts)
Imightgocrazy Mon 02-May-16 15:41:38

I'm a 44 year old single mum with 8yo dd. Her dad left us 7 years ago and visits her occasionally (his choice) but otherwise not involved.
I've had 2 relationships since he left, but neither worked out. The most recent one I thought was absolutely right ... but after 5 months he decided he no longer agreed. It has hit me very hard to fail yet again - I'm a normal, nice person and yet I can't seem to sustain a relationship. I'm doing a lot of soul searching and self help reading to try and improve myself smile
I am happy with my own company, but so miss having someone to share things with and it gets so lonely.
I have very little childcare or family help so getting out to join clubs or date is very hard. All the other school mums I know are married/with partners. All of which means online dating seems to be my best/only option.
My dd would dearly love to be part of a 'proper' family with a mum and a dad ( father figure) in her life. She has been very fond of the 2 guys I dated, although has taken the splits extremely well and takes it all in her stride. However, I am very aware that I don't want her to grow up thinking everyone leaves.
I have seen on another thread about online dating and not introducing new partners to children for maybe the first 6 months, and I would love to hear about how you make this work in real life? I would barely be able to see someone if I tried this, maybe once a week if really lucky, can you start a relationship like this? Do guys understand this? Is it best if they have young children too? How do you bring this up when first chatting / meeting?
Also, any tips/advice on dating profiles, what to look for, success stories etc would be so lovely to hear. I don't want to give up hope of ever being able to settle down with someone but it is getting harder to believe it will ever happen for me sad

Sunflowersmiling Sun 08-May-16 05:35:28

I'm sort of in the same position..although I'm not really keen on letting anyone in again after my ex finished with me 2 years ago. So im few years behind you I think! Still...I think about being with someone else a lot, DS also complains he doesn't feel we are a proper family because theres only 2 of us. I have no idea how you manage dating as a single parent...lunch time meet ups? Baby sitter once a week? Have him come over after children are asleep and not sleep over? Find another single parent who understands your priorities and hopefully also wants to take things slow?
Sorry that's probably not as helpful as you were looking for..However best of luck in your search for love x

Imightgocrazy Sun 08-May-16 08:06:41

Thank you sunflower, it's good to know there are others feeling the same way - adults and kids! I fear I'm doing something wrong as a mum because DD would love a 'proper family', but I hopeful it's just what they see in other families.
Thanks for the dating suggestions too - will try those next time the opportunity comes up! Every guy I talk to on the dating site I've just joined seems to be in a huge rush to get straight to meeting up sad
Thanks again, and good luck to you too!

NRDAD Sun 08-May-16 14:17:06

Hi im a single man with a child. I think that most decent guy will understand your situation. i deff would but that might just be i have my own kid. If there not willing to work around you not wanting them to meet your kid straight away their not worth it.

I was dating a woman ( first since split) and she was really understanding that i didnt want them to meet my son for awhile. I did have her round once he was in bed and sleeping tho.

I think what you were saying about people that you meet online wanting to meet up really fast is from what i ve heard ( not tried online yet) that if you end up messaging alot and not meeting it kind of fizzles out and nothing ever comes of it.

Im happy being single and living alone i never had before went from parent to living with gf. Not saying i dont want to meet someone just in no rush and happy to wait for the right person.

I wish u the best of luck everyone deserves to be happy.

BibbidiBobbidiBoo1 Sun 08-May-16 16:09:24

I'm glad you've started this - I find myself back in the world of thinking about dating. My little girl is now almost three and I'm very conscious she understands a lot more than she did when she was a baby! And asks questions so sh understands and I hate the feeling of not being able to answer her 100% honestly.

Her dads as useful as a chocolate teapot and so I don't get 'off weekends' etc as many people seem to assume we do, and my parents are wonderful but I kinda don't want to put extra pressure on things getting them to look after dd so I can go on a 'date', if that makes sense.

It's all complicated enough on its own without adding all of t together isn't it?!

Help201602 Sun 08-May-16 21:46:39

I joined pof yesterday, but now I'm wondering why I bothered. As my kids don't regularly sleep over at their dads, so I'm never going to have free time. Thought about sitters, but not sure as I have a dog??? And my family also help out enough with childcare, so asking for extra to go on a date seems out of order sad

Imightgocrazy Sun 08-May-16 22:37:44

Thanks NRDAD, really nice to have a single dad view as well, and you're probably right that the right man will be patient!
Bibbidi, I know exactly what you mean, my DD is 8 and she seems to be all seeing and all hearing - I can't get away with much any more! My parents are my only real sitters but they live abroad half the year, so it is very hard to go on dates at all, and sometimes I don't want my whole family to know I'm going on a date!
Help, I'm sure a babysitter wouldn't mind a dog as well as a child! Same situation with parents here too.
I've been on Match so far, which has been very fruitless so to speak, I'm going to try pof when I get chance to write an amazing profile that's going to help me find an amazing (and patient!) guy!

Mrswinkler Tue 10-May-16 07:46:59

Match is rubbish. Try okcupid. Daytime dates don't take much time and you know within about 5 minutes whether there is any chemistry, and if there is, then you can think about getting a babysitter?

BibbidiBobbidiBoo1 Tue 10-May-16 17:35:25

I had some success with match a while ago but having logged back in this time it's changed lots - loads of the same on there as on POF - and to be honest if your going to send a cock photo in the first 5 minutes or use the opening line of 'I'm well horny wanna fuck' the chances are we aren't going to get on.

It's finding ones who also understand that you can't just drop everything and meet up - and that that is genuine, not an excuse! But then that shows true colours too I guess.
Mot'd a mind field!

BibbidiBobbidiBoo1 Tue 10-May-16 17:35:41

*its a. Even.

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