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It's probably been asked dozens of times...but ase may I have some advice re access arrangements?

(1 Post)
Hyggeligt Tue 26-Apr-16 22:20:51

My DD is 12, her dad and I separated 2 years ago and divorced November 2014.
SInce then, and up until about a month ago, he has been ok with having contact with her in terms of taking her out for the day or collecting her from school ad taking her to a club etc, but he has tended to rely on being able to look after her here/ use here as a base (I know...) He has always had a reason why he cannot look after her at his or o/n eg he can't afford to feed her (he does work) he doesn't know what to do with her, she doesn't want to spend time with him etc.etc.etc.... However, I am a f/t teacher, with no family nearby and I desperately need time to myself - to work, attend functions and occasionally unwind or I think I could go pop! So, I have facilitated him seeing her with the least conflict/blame directed at me, for an easy life really (not the best approach)
He had a pretty crummy studio flat that she stayed in a few times and hated- she actively asked not to stay there as it was cramped and smelly - neither of us forced her too but she still saw her dad.
He now has a 2 bed flat, about 20-30 mins away and I would like to establish a more robust access arrangement.
I would really appreciate hearing your advice/experience re contact. Is it 'usually' Friday-Sunday every other weekend? And, if so, what happens in between, during the weeks? Should there be an evening each week when they see each other and can I insist that it is not at my home? He is taking every opportunity to be vile to me when he is here and I really can't be doing with it any longer...but on a practical note, having an evening a week where I can go out/attend work functions or parent evenings is really important to me.
She loves spending time with her dad, but is fed up of hearing him complaining all the time + being crappy when he is here, which makes her then not ant to see him or stay with him (can't blame her for that..)

Any help/advice/experiences gratefully received - I thought I had it kind of sussed, but it would seem not!

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