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Unsure ill cope

(15 Posts)
kate2244 Sun 10-Apr-16 15:05:18

I'm 30 years old. Seven weeks pregnant with first baby. Was living with baby's father but he left when found out I was pregnant. Not sure I'm going to manage as a single parent. I won't be able to take more than two months maternity leave as I don't get maternity pay. He won't help time wise or financially at all. I feel so depressed but can't get medication until twelve weeks. Anyone else been through similar?

Pisssssedofff Sun 10-Apr-16 16:36:30

Ok he will have to pay financially .... I phoned the Csa from the hospital with my first child and they were extremely helpful. Probably a bit late but keep all info on him where he lives, works etc.
Go on benefits for a year if you have to, I stupidly rushed back to work after my first child when she was 6 weeks old and came crashing down 12 months later, it was a huge mistake. I wish we'd been poor when she was tiny and everyone wanted to buy stuff for the cute baby - 12 months later they were a lot less interested - and she needed more stuff.
You don't want medication unless you were already on it.

kate2244 Sun 10-Apr-16 16:54:46

Thanks for advice but I'm not taking one penny from him and no disrespect to anyone else but I couldn't stop working and go on benefits. I need to go back to work. I've been on and off antidepressants for years and have felt since xmas I need them again

Pisssssedofff Sun 10-Apr-16 17:13:03

Don't put too much pressure on yourself. I was a proper highflier ... Saab convertible, own house all that before the baby came along .... Ended up crying at work, being sent home and never came back when I missed her first birthday.
It all changes whether you want it to or not, are you 100% sure you want to keep the baby.
Here's something I wouldn't admit out loud but my situation was exactly yours and I wish I hadn't gone a head it ruined my life.

kate2244 Sun 10-Apr-16 17:26:23

I had a termination several years ago and struggled with that ever since. Not really in a position to go thru that again.

kate2244 Sun 10-Apr-16 17:26:38

Thanks for your advice and honestly tho

Pisssssedofff Sun 10-Apr-16 17:29:54

Thing is I had too .... Had one termination more or less two years to the date before I got pregnant again. You're probably longing to replace that baby. All I would say is give it some serious thought. It's much more fun having a supportive partner around - I'm told - I've never actually had one.
You will cope either way I'd just want the path of least resistance for my daughter.

Claraoswald36 Sun 10-Apr-16 19:41:04

Hi op big hugs. I understand. I had a termination years ago and nothing would make me consider another one.
Time to get sorted out then. Research tax credits, local childcare and everything you will be entitled to. Make lists. What help do you have nearby? Any family childcare? Part time options? Can you downsize? Start getting the control back I think it would help a lot.
I've been a lp 4 years x

kate2244 Mon 11-Apr-16 11:45:29

He turned up here today saying he doesn't understand why I would want the baby. Said he would have no involvement at all and it would tbe fair for the child to have it. He then said best case scenario I could have the child, meet someone else and they may help raise it. Messes with my head. I don't know whether to keep it or not. Don't feel tuis situation is fair on a baby

Pisssssedofff Mon 11-Apr-16 12:17:39

It's not fair on you, you deserve to be loved and cherished too.
I'm not saying you won't meet somebody who will love the baby as their own, but it's hard you know.

Thelittleredhead Wed 20-Apr-16 15:13:59

I'm in almost exactly the same boat as you, OP. Had a termination 2 years ago, have been desperately sad about it since and always said I could never do it again. Accidentally fell pregnant by boyfriend who I was pretty much already broken up with (it was "that night" at the end of a relationship where you get hammered together and reminisce and cry and shout and wish things could be different but know they can't).

He is absolutely devastated and wants me to have an abortion but I just can't, despite about 49% of me thinking it's probably the right thing to do. I'm nearly 33 and worried that this may be my last chance, esp as I don't ovulate regularly already, and I am far too devastated at losing him (the break up was all on his part and there is OW) to even consider being involved with someone else any time soon). He has said all those same things, "why do you want this, it's not fair on the baby, etc etc" but he is just trying to play on my fears and manipulate me, and I'm not having it. I have had many sleepless nights worrying if I'm making a huge mistake, if I should have an abortion and just be rid of him out of my life rather than tying myself to him forever, if this means I will be single forever, if it is the end of my career, if my child will hate me for always having to be the one to instill discipline etc. but I have concluded that I am strong enough and that this is the right thing for me, as scary as it is.

I am now 12+2 and I think he is starting to accept that this is happening and that at some point he will have to make a decision to be involved or just get out of my life completely- I have given him the choice.

I'm sorry I don't have any advice, really, other than to seriously consider all your options but don't be afraid to stick to your guns. Don't be too proud to take anything from him either- declining hold support, for example, won't give you the right to deny him access should he change his mind and decide he wants it. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in this situation, there are more of us!

We can do this- plenty of people have done so before us and plenty of people will do so after us. Keep your head up flowers

Thelittleredhead Wed 20-Apr-16 15:15:51

Hold support?! No- child support. Stupid phone.

kate2244 Thu 21-Apr-16 06:43:04

Do what's best for you bit I'd have the baby! It may be your only chance. I went for an early private scan yday as I'd come to terms with having the baby alone and wanted to see its wee heartbeat. I'd lost it and now I have to go into hospital today

wannabestressfree Thu 21-Apr-16 06:47:27

Oh Kate I am sorry sad thinking of you.
And for those worrying about raising alone, I have three strapping lads now. It is hard but I went through the whole 'its not fair' with DS2. He sits his exams next year.... Don't be frightened or made to feel bad.it's a fun journey smile

Thelittleredhead Thu 21-Apr-16 07:27:26

Oh Kate I'm so sorry to hear that. flowers for you.

Best of luck in whatever may be the next step in your journey, I hope you find happiness x

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