How to cope with ex

(7 Posts)
blondiebonce Fri 01-Apr-16 20:43:05

My DD has a lovely relationship with her Dad and I'm really glad. But he's so snidely and horrible to me. He can be absolutely fine one day and being creepy and telling me how I shouldn't trust my friends because they tell him everything, and that I've let myself go.
I don't have any secrets apart from very simple things that aren't secret, just a bit private. I don't care what he thinks per se, but how can I cope with his snidey comments and put downs? I have spoken to him about it.
I'm already worried that his bad attitude is going to rub off onto our DD.

Also he has form for lying. We tried to put some fair agreements in place at the beginning to keep DD happy, comfortable and feeling secure and he's regularly done things to break the agreements and then lashed out verbally when I've been upset.

Sorry for the rant but I'd really like some advice. It scares me that I'm going to have to put up with his crap forever.

cestlavielife Fri 01-Apr-16 22:59:07

How old is dd?
Try and get on a divorced and separated group session or workshop or ask gp for cbt referral to develop some strategies

Ignoring him
Reducing comunication to minimum about arrangements
Changing your reaction so if doesn't get to you

starry0ne Sat 02-Apr-16 00:02:34

Yep minimal contact...

I had a conversation with my DS a few weeks ago about a child baiscally verbally been mean..I told him to save his tears for mummy.. And while Obviously you are an adult same applies..He enjoys your reaction so don't give him one..

Distance is really good. Any conversations are about your DD ..Nothing else..

Lonecatwithkitten Sat 02-Apr-16 08:59:05

Move contact to the written word. Then never reply in haste, take time compose your self so you can write a calm considered reply. Make drop offs short and factual if he starts to engage any more just say 'please put that into an email for me'.

blondiebonce Sun 03-Apr-16 20:27:20

Sorry only just seen the updates! Thanks everyone!

We tend to communicate by whatsapp which though is good for not having to face him/speak properly, makes it easier to get off track.

DD is 2 in a few months so at the moment she doesn't notice much. I don't bad mouth him in front of her or anything, and we don't raise voices at pick up/drop off. But he will be snidey and I bite my tongue. Mostly. Admittedly sometimes I retaliate which is bloody ridiculous but I just feel do worn down sometimes.
I've been told it can get easier but I suppose it depends how quickly I get a thicker skin and he grows up!!

starry0ne Sun 03-Apr-16 21:11:47

I used to have a mantra in my head whenever I saw my Ex...IT was always have the higher moral high ground...

Honestly the best approach is bright and breezy...He starts been snide..."DD lets say bye to Daddy" or if it collection " love you DD see you later "

Every time you respond whether he see s you cringe or retaliate he is getting that reaction he wants. If he watsapps anything that isn't about DD simply do not respond in any way...

Do you do drop off and collections on door step if not change to this once he is in your have to get him out more change for conversation about anything that is not to do with DD..

cestlavielife Mon 04-Apr-16 17:00:11

yes practise these lines and similar ."DD lets say bye to Daddy" or if it collection " love you DD see you later "

practise practise so they run off the tongue . and smile.

similarly on whatsapp always count to ten before replying and always stick to hard facts

"yes 2.oo pm will be fine"

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