Husband killed himself in January. He had treated me terribly (EA but wouldn't leave, telling everyone he wanted to leave me but reality different and he kept doing just enough to stay, having affairs at our shared workplace where I was very senior, very heavy drinking, neglecting our kids. Once I'd kicked him out he was begging to come home but later found out he had been slagging me off at the same time. Then killed himself).
Maybe he was ill but harsh reality was that he was throughly unpleasant and dishonest at the time of his death. First response on hearing he had done it was a weird elation.
We married five years ago (he was normal and nice then!) and all three DCs have his name. I never changed mine as didn't get around to it and my career had been built on my name.
Now he is gone for good I don't like the children having his name and it being different to mine. It's just me and them now and whenever I have to spell out their surname it makes me shudder a bit. I've also heard it can be troublesome travelling to some countries when you have a different surname to your kids and it's just you and them.
Then again, they won't understand and may see it as a further 'change' they didn't ask for. Eldest is seven and he does ask why I don't change my surname to be the same as theirs (no chance!). But I'd like theirs to be the same as mine.
Another reason not to is that if I marry again some day it could change again (although no reason it has to).
Has anyone else changed DCs names following the death of a spouse? How did the children get on with the change? Needless to say, no desire to carry on the family name! H's dad is okish but not my kind of person (H's mum is dead) and is not hugely involved with the kids, although he has been making more of an effort of late following a request from me. FWIW, my money would be on it being a 'Christmas and birthday' relationship in a few years.
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want my DC to have my name
19 replies
dilys4trevor · 01/04/2016 08:51
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