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Leaving marriage when you have a baby - where do you go/how do you do it?

(9 Posts)
strangerjo Thu 31-Mar-16 16:25:24

My husband and I live together and we have a one month old son. My husband part-owns his flat and is self-employed. I don't have my own money, and no job (I left just before I became pregnant), no family and no property. Due to relationship difficulties I think it's better that we separate but I'm trapped by my circumstances - nowhere to go and no money to pay for it. I would like joint custody of my son.
If anyone has advice I'd really appreciate it. I live in London and the cost of renting somewhere is not possible for me to meet what with me looking after the baby and still recovering from a difficult pregnancy and birth. Unfortunately my relationship has become unbearable and for my sanity (and ability to bond with my son), I'm desperate to leave. Any advice would be welcomed.
Thank you

Silvermockingbird Thu 31-Mar-16 18:05:46

In a totally different area to you but when I split from ex I got on council list and got housed pretty fast because of my young child, obviously it's not ideal but a good starting point to build yourself up from

strangerjo Thu 31-Mar-16 21:02:21

Silvermockingbird - thank you. I am worried that my husband would have custody because he has a place to live and whether I'd get accommodation if I'm making a decision to leave my husband rather than being forced out.

GroundHogLife Fri 01-Apr-16 20:49:20

I was in your position. High earning husband, living in home counties, no job/assets of my own.

It took me two years to leave including learning to drive, taking a call centre job on weekends to avoid childcare costs, saving all salary payments, taking on extra shifts in the week when offered (even though childcare costs meant I was working for nothing), securing a more senior position through an internal transfer and finally moving out of the South East (cheaper childcare/accommodation). My saved salary paid for moving costs, deposit, first months childcare. Maintenance payments and tax credits allowed me to pay for solicitor/barristers fees when my STBXH took me to court over contact arrangements.

9 months on, I'm on a good salary and progressing through financial settlement order for my divorce. It's hard, but when I look back on how far I've come....

Biggest tip; prioritise your legal costs.

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Fri 01-Apr-16 20:55:19

Where were you before moving in with him?

Housing in London must be incredibly hard to access.

Whenwillwe3meetagain Fri 01-Apr-16 20:55:45

Can I ask if things were awful prior to your baby being born?

FifiRebel Fri 01-Apr-16 21:33:45

I'm pregnant and single - I've just moved from London back to where I grew up. I'm fortunate that I have a good job but I couldn't see any way of affording rent alone in London. Obviously you may be entitled to housing benefit (I'm sure others can advise). Is there any way you can consider leaving London? My mortgage for a 2-bed flat is half the price I paid for a room in a 4-person houseshare...!!

strangerjo Fri 01-Apr-16 22:58:13

Thanks all.

I was renting and living in a flatshare before we moved in together.

Prior to the baby being born, things were rocky some of the time but my husband was great in many ways and is a fantastic dad. Unfortunately not a very understanding or supportive husband though.

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Fri 01-Apr-16 23:04:15

Well you wouldn't be a priority for social housing. Unfortunately. I guess saving to get out is an option..... Tax credits/child benefit etc

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