Alone. 3 kids. Homeless. No job(4 Posts)
Hi all, I'm new here and this my first post. I really need some advise as I feel really stuck.
I'm a single mum of 3 children aged 7,6 and 4. I'm 27 and was with their dad since 16! We married young and had the kids close by. As a result I left college and have been a stay at home mum to all 3 which means I have a serious lack of experience when it comes to employment. He always provided while married.
We divorced about 10 months ago. He just gave up on wanting us anymore; lies and manipulation. Anyway I've tried applying for jobs from retail to reception work and I've not been successful. I need something full time (more money)to be able to look after my kids and now I just feel stuck. I'm really low, I feel so worthless. My ex is out having fun living his life and sees kids randomly whenever he wants. Doesn't prioritise them and just leaves them for weeks. It's just so unfair. I'm here genuinely trying to fight to develop myself for myself and my children. I feel like I can't do anything.
On top of that I'm in a tiny place as temporary accommodation as I'm homeless. Trying to find places that accept dss.
Everything I do I'm stuck. I have no family or friends. There's no support or having a break or someone helping out. It's tough alone with 3 kids, who might I add are always fighting! Some days like today I just cry and lay here. Because no matter how much I try I'm not going anywhere. I feel really low. I sometimes think maybe they'd be happier or better off in care because I'm nothing, I have no qualification or confidence or anything - just miserable. All I want is an opportunity to build on something to try, to settle in a home with my kids and work and develop myself. I want that but I've been let down over and over again. I even question my being here in life, coz really should anyone suffer like this despite TRYIJG to make a difference for them and their kids.
I've looked through threads on here and most seem to get on fine and have some confidence and do something to move on but me, I'm just stuck I don't get it.
I'm just so depressed and see no hope after all this trying
Your kids most definitely would NOT be better off without you OP. You're their DM and the one constant presence in their life, since their feckless DF buggered off, so please put that unhelpful thought out of your head.
As for the other stuff, have you been to the Citizens' Advice Bureau? If not, please make an appt and go and talk to them about making sure you are claiming everything you are entitled to. Are you registered with the job centre? Have you spoken to someone there about skills training, help with your CV, help getting useful skills for work? There are workshops for people who are trying to get into work for the first time and I'm sure you would qualify for them.
Have you got the CSA onto your ex to make sure he's paying you the maximum possible for the care of his DC?
And finally, if you're feeling hopeless, depressed and low please go and speak to your GP. You may benefit from anti-depressants while you sort yourself out or some kind of non-judgemental talking therapy. Good luck to you.
I really feel for you, with little ones life just doesn't stop for a moment for you to think let alone do anything else, yet here you are looking forward to the future and how to provide for your children.
I took a quick google (so apologies if the link is rubbish!) but here's a link to rentals that accept DSS.http://m.dssmove.co.uk/property-to-rent
Another option if you haven't done so already is to just call all the letting a agency in your area and state what you need?
With regards to your ex having access, if he isn't willing to be regular then you need to put that into place, for your kids sake. If he wants to see them more then great but children need stability.
You've gone through a really hard time so give yourself some credit here. You're doing amazing
Another resource is Homestart (home-start.org.uk) which has volunteers who offer practical help and emotional support to struggling families. This will get better OP, you are young and can still do so much with your life. Your children will grow up quickly and be less dependent on you. Having young dependent children is ususally the hardest time in life but it will not be the same forever. Please hang in there, your children need you and you are a valuable human being.
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