Court order for children

[mytimewillcome]

I'm just about to embark on this. Any advice? Things that you wished you'd asked for? Lessons learned post court order? Thanks.

[MakeItRain]

What exactly are you going for with the order? And can you say a bit more about your circumstances/ relationship with your ex? (Not being nosey, just that it can have a massive impact on the proceedings)

[Cakedoesntjudge]

I was taken to court by my ex (boggled my mind as we're on relatively good terms the majority of the time) and I had all sorts of plans - he makes the schedule for when he can fit ds in and often changes it/misses days and I don't press the issue (not because I don't care but because I don't think I should have to force him to spend time with ds). He also refuses to see him if he's ill (including colds) because it makes him 'uncomfortable' and doesn't help with childcare in the holidays (he earns a lot more than me).

Having kept schtum about all this to keep the peace, I was pretty peeved at being taken to court because I wouldn't agree to let him take him away without knowing the details of where he'd be, and planned to bring all this up.

I wasn't given a chance to speak other than yes/no to questions and they mainly listened to the CAFCAS representative and referred to the court documents.

So my main tip is to make sure EVERYTHING you want to get settled is in there - down to the minute detail. Going to court is a horrible experience for both the parents and the children involved if they're old enough to know what's going on, it's best to get it done in one go.

Also worth bearing in mind that although they'll give a court order they are pretty much impossible to impose.

My stepbrother has a very malicious ex who regularly withholds access whenever she feels like it, he has paid to go to court about this three times and the judge agrees with him every time but the police won't enforce it if she breaks the agreement, they just have to go back to court all over again.

Good luck, and I hope you get what you need to out of this

[mytimewillcome]

Basically I keep being told that I need a court order by everyone from social services to the police. I have a very bad relationship with him. I think he has mental health issues and he had the children overnight and left them in the flat on their own. They are 5 and 3. He went to hospital for 3 weeks and hasn't told me why. I've stopped the children going to him for now but I'm not sure how long I can keep doing that.

[Cakedoesntjudge]

In that case I would definitely get a court order - I would make very sure that you are specific in your requests. Something along the lines of no unsupervised access until he has received help and you trust him and no access at all until he can prove that he can be a positive presence in their lives (if you're not comfortable with him having supervised access for now).

Good luck and big hugs, that sounds like a lot to deal with xx

[MakeItRain]

I would advise that you find a good solicitor if you can afford it. You need clear evidence of all documented concerns, outside agency involvement etc

The judge will want to see you putting the children first. They do want to see contact maintained with both parents, so if for example, you offer supervised contact (before the proceedings) it will likely go in your favour that you are trying to facilitate safe contact. (Even if your instinct/emtions go against this).

Try to have a solution in mind - e.g. if you want supervised contact, do you know anyone who could do this?

The judge won't be able to say "I agree he sounds awful let's go for supervised contact", he has to base his decision on the professional judgement of eg police/social workers/GP. So you need clear written advice from these agencies if you can get that.

It goes without saying that you need to try to keep your emotions out of the proceedings and be calm and clear headed in your responses.

It's a tough process but keep in mind that you are doing it for the safety of your children and you can get through it.