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not comfortable - help

(5 Posts)
ap1984 Sat 12-Mar-16 22:18:29

Hi ladies, I havent posted for a while.

I moved out in May last year from a volatile relationship. When we moved we told our son (now 4) that we all moved together and daddy worked away (whilst he was at the old house).

Things havent improved much and I think its bets that we are honest and transparent (as much as needed). I am scared about how our son will react and what to tell him (as he isnt aware our old house exists anymore and i'm worried I will damage his trust)

He loves his dad and this isnt the issue, but i'm struggling to let go as i'm worried about the repercussions. However I do have a loot more respect for myself and women in general for not staying in a damaging relationship.

Our daughter is now 14 months (6 months when I left) is breastfed to sleep and is under no circumstances going to his house until I am ready and she is ready (he has never been around for bed time and I am not prepared to force it).

What can I do, what should I do? this is making me feel ill :-(

MakeItRain Sun 13-Mar-16 09:30:37

If he's only 4 he won't really understand the ins and outs of selling houses. Just tell him you and daddy have been arguing and that you have decided that you will be happier if you live in different houses. He will be able to see both of you.

As far as his old house is concerned, just say something along the lines of - the people who were going to buy it decided they didn't want it so daddy is going to move back in there.

flowers It's difficult but children are more resilient and accepting of these things than we think if you keep them away from the relationship difficulties as much as you can.

charlybear7 Sun 13-Mar-16 13:16:43

Tell him the truth but obviously in a way children can understand.

I told my 4yr old last year that daddy didn't love mummy anymore and wanted to live by himself. He was so fine with it was shocked.

I'm open and honest with him about everything and I'm sure this has helped.

My youngest now 9 months knows no different but he doesn't stay overnight with his father and won't until he's a lot older x

Vonnie2016 Thu 17-Mar-16 22:14:02

I was so worried about breaking the news to my DD she was 5 at the time.
She took it so well, and just accepted that, that was how it was going to be now.
There were no tears, no upset, I was honest and said Daddy wasn't happy being married to mummy anymore and he thought it better to live in his own house.
She asked if we were still a family to which I said we always would be, but daddy just wouldn't live with us.
She just said oh okay and carried on playing with her toys.
My DS had just turned 2 and I was sad that he would never remember us being together, but he had no clue what was going on.
I was devastated and the kids did see me cry on a few occasions but I was just honest and said I missed their dad but we would be fine.
They took it better than me. It will be fine, I promise.

starry0ne Thu 17-Mar-16 23:07:11

My DS was too young to understand when we left..We went to a refuge...I have since told Ds( when he has asked) Mummy decided that son and I would be happier living apart from Daddy..

I think almost the younger the easier it is to accept it.

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