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What a can i do?

(9 Posts)
mytimewillcome Thu 10-Mar-16 17:40:04

There have been 2 occasions where my ex has had the children and neglected them. The first time stayed in bed all day in his flat and didn't give the children lunch. A few months later they stayed with him at the weekend and the children told me he left them on his own 'for a long time'. They were crying and scared. They are 5 and 3. It was the first time I had allowed the 3 year old to go.

He has them on Thursdays while I work. Recently he got signed off work and didn't see the children for 3 weeks. I had to frantically work out childcare for those days and I decided that we were no longer going to rely on him because other than being unsafe he was jeopardising my job.

I had taken the day off work today to look after my youngest and was getting ready to take my eldest to school when he turned up. I said that he hadn't told me that he was coming today (turns out he texted my old phone). I have sorted childcare now for the next few weeks. He then called his parents who were parked round the corner. They came and I have a very bad relationship with his mother and she has made false allegations of assault about me. She started arguing with me and blocked my car and I had put the children's coats in the car ready to go to school. I had to go past her to get to the boot. We made contact but I didn't push her. We walked with her and ex following me to the school, a good 15 minute walk, and they eventually gave up and he went to talk to the teacher. Not sure what about as I was taking him to school. They called the police And I spoke to them. She accused me of assaulting her. Luckily they didn't believe her.

My solicitor and social services have told me that if I don't think the children are safe with him I should stop them from going which I did.

He will want to take them on Saturday and my solicitor told me not to allow it and if I do not want him to look after the children I need to be consistent and stop it completely.

What can I do about this? I let him have my youngest for a sleepover for the first time and he did the above. I try to do the right thing but I just can't win.

TheLittleFoxes Thu 10-Mar-16 17:51:45

Listen to your solicitor. I would not leave a 5 year old and 3 year old with someone I didn't trust to look after them properly.

mytimewillcome Thu 10-Mar-16 18:11:13

That's what I want to do but he calls the police. It's the only way he can get me to do what he wants.

PatriciaHolm Thu 10-Mar-16 19:11:56

The police aren't going to force you to send your children with him. Are they any court orders related to contact?

Pinkheart5915 Thu 10-Mar-16 19:16:34

What an awful situation you had this morning, and the poor children seeing an arguement of sorts ( I assume they saw)

Listen to your solicitor, do as they advised. If his leaving the children unattended, not giving them lunch etc it doesn't sound like he really wants them with him anyway

Pinkheart5915 Thu 10-Mar-16 19:18:16

The police won't force you to let him have the children Saturday.

Even if you have a court access arrangement in place, from a friend I have in that situation my understanding is even then the police will not force any contact you go back to court

mytimewillcome Thu 10-Mar-16 19:24:33

No court orders. I'm going to start the process now. It was horrible for the children but im not sure what else I could have done. The only way it could have been avoided would have been to hand the children over without arguing even though I had taken the day off and even though I hadn't received any notification of him getting out of hospital.

RudeElf Thu 10-Mar-16 19:25:46

The police will not tolerate being used in this way! Dont worry about that.

starry0ne Thu 10-Mar-16 20:44:07

You need to listen to your sols...

If you say it is ok sometimes and not others..It looks like it is safe when it suits you and not when it doesn't..

I would inform him Friday evening he will not be collecting them after legal advise ..

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