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Who gets custody

(7 Posts)
hannahbellaa29 Mon 29-Feb-16 15:37:26

Right me and my daughters dad broke up 4 years ago when she was 6.. We have split custody down the middle as I work full time.. At 1st she was fine with this.. But the past few months she has been saying that she doesn't want to be there and she actually has been staying at her nans and not her dads as she doesn't like his girlfriend.. I was called into school the other day as she has been upset saying that she only wants to go there once a week.. This is going to cause holy hell with his parents!! Can my daughter have the last say because she is 10!! I am worried they will be able to take me too court too try and get full custody of her..

OP’s posts: |
Oldladyfish Mon 29-Feb-16 19:07:59

I'm sorry, i can't really help as I don't know the legal side of this (might be worth posting in legal?). just didn't want to leave you hanging!

If it comes to it, perhaps a child-focused mediation might help, as 'legally' i'm not sure of the status of a child's view, but In the Real World, as she's no longer tiny, her thoughts must surely count.

good luck with it all xx

Baconyum Mon 29-Feb-16 19:13:38

My experience and what I've been told by lawyers is that she'd need to be at least 14 before her views would possibly be considered. Add to that the arrangement isn't actually doing her harm legally and I think you'll struggle to get a court to change the arrangement.

Why doesn't she like the girlfriend? Why doesn't she like going to her grandparents?

If they're being horrible to her or slagging you that might be a valid reason to question the arrangements.

Equally is it jealousy and pre-teen rebellion? Are they stricter than you and she doesn't like it? If that's the case then it'd be a case of tough, that's life.

But thats not to say I think you shouldn't be able to change the arrangement.

My ex has lost his daughter who's now 15 as he treats and disciplines her as if she's 9 and won't listen to her. He also never contacts her unless he wants to see her. Which is maybe twice a year now if that.

hannahbellaa29 Mon 29-Feb-16 21:17:40

Thank you so much for your replys:: school has set up mediation for her so hopefully that will work!!
And she doesn't like his girlfriend because she is my old best friend.. Don't get me wrong I have never bad mouthed her in front of her because I'm not like that!! She says her man shouts and I don't think she feels comfy there.. No there not stricter I'm the more stricter one if she wanted chocolate for breakfast they would give it too her... But I know they slag me off because that's what they are like. I think it's more because it's like a open house it's always full of kids and I think it's just too much for her

OP’s posts: |
Lonecatwithkitten Mon 29-Feb-16 21:37:50

Hannah I was in a very similar position, how do school rate her emotional maturity. My DD had been deemed Gillick competent by the GP at 10 and this combined with the school's view that she was a very mature girl who understood the decision she was making helped. We never went to court ExH backed down when school and GP stated they would support DD.

hannahbellaa29 Tue 01-Mar-16 16:47:35

I would say she is mature in decision making, she has mentioned it a few times to me but I thought that she was doing the same when she went there like saying she doesn't want too go back.. I don't think it will go as far as court ( well I am hoping it doesn't) it's not like I'm saying she can't go just not as much as she is doing

OP’s posts: |
balia Wed 02-Mar-16 18:35:19

I agree with baconyum. I've never heard of a child of 10 being deemed to be Gillick competent. She is old enough to express her views but certainly not make a final decision. Could you and your ex try mediation to discuss the issues?

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