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abusive ex and custody

(10 Posts)
NRDAD Fri 26-Feb-16 18:05:33

Hi this will prob be abit of a reverse to what your used to hearing and abit complicated

Almost a year a go me and my ex (mother of my son) broke up. We were together for 7 years through out which she would lock me in the house and take the key only Way i could get out would be to force the key from her ( which i wouldnt do because it would mean hurting her) she would kick me slap me some times punch me.i also had plates, ashtrays and glasses thrown at my head.

She also self harmed on and off through the 7 years ( only ever superfical )

i never reported it to the police because i loved her and tried to help her and begged her to get help. which she refused always say it was my fault she done it.

When we first split i could go round and see my son when ever i wanted ( ment i could keep and eye on the situation) but 3 weeks later in a disagreement she throw the fact she had a new boyfriend and had slept with him in my face and thats when she stopped me seeing him whenever. That same week i was diagnosed with cancer ( i have finished treatment end of the 2015) so wasnt in a place to get custody not knowin what would happen to me.

At this point i had 3 1/2 nite then after another argument she took a night away as punishment.

Now shes talking about moving in with her boyfriend who lives 60 miles away taking me down to every second weekend ( im not just worried about my contact it means i cant keep an eye on the situation)

I have txt between us that show her admitting she locked me in, hit me and self harmed. I also hav a txt where she tells me she tried to kill herself which she later said was a lie just to f#$k with me.

If she moves shes also movin away from all her family our sons nursery ( he starts school end of this year) and is already registered

I want to go for full custody but am unsure if i have any hope of getting it ? Will the courts take my worrys seriously or will it be the usual expectations of just man up and deal with it? Do i have any hope ?

starry0ne Fri 26-Feb-16 18:45:40

You need legal advise what you say is history...I think if child is settled now there would need to be a reason to swap contact. Something that is affecting your child not you...

I can completely understand why you think the way you do..You can use a free 1/2 hour for advise..

NRDAD Fri 26-Feb-16 20:03:22

I have a solicitor for my contact already after she cut a day and about the house we own together just not had a chance to talk to them yet.( i ve not known what my future held due to being sick so wasnt in a place to fight her on it)

Well not only including what she done to me and that im worried she will start doing to my son as he get older and has friends he picks she doesnt like ( she doesnt like many people. At first she liked my friend then decided she didnt for no reason thats when she started locking the door) or not doing excatly as she tells him. If she move shes moving him away from me and more then halving our contact she'll be moving him away from both side of our familes, his nursery where he has friends and is meant to be going to school with them.

if i ask her how it benefits him all she says is the town we live in is a shithole ( its not its alot nicer then the town i grew up in) or that she needs to have a life too (she has no friends here due to her attitude). Never comes up with anything else its just all about herself and bf. I dont think its whats best for our son and i dont think shes really taking that into account just being selfish.

( btw i dont drive which would make contact extra difficult)

ClarenceTheLion Fri 26-Feb-16 20:23:22

I don't have any experience of this kind of thing, but I think you need to see your solicitor and get advice, ASAP.

NRDAD Fri 26-Feb-16 20:33:26

Yeh i know its not the normal situation i tried googling it but came up with nothing. Theres not much support for men in my situation

BlackeyedSusan Fri 26-Feb-16 21:37:39

post in legal. it is possible that you could get a prohibited steps order. (or something similarly named which I can not quite remember) and someone else gets to decide what is best for your son.

NRDAD Fri 26-Feb-16 22:02:54

Ok thanks i ve put it up in legal. Didnt actually know it was there tucked away in others blush

Atenco Sat 27-Feb-16 03:40:46

If you can't stop her moving, could you move to be closer to your son? I know that is easier said than done.

NRDAD Sat 27-Feb-16 10:57:27

Yes i could but that means finding a new job new home, moving away from every i know including family it would destroy the relationship im in just now. If i dont get custody then that is what i will do. It really angers me that i am to make ALL the sacrifices for a decision she is making but if its what i have to do its what i have to do for my son but i cant spend my whole life chasing her around the country

HappyHedgehog247 Sun 28-Feb-16 10:13:12

You need something called a Prohibited Steps Order. The law on the primary carer moving has just changed, in your favour. I would get legal advice urgently to put one in place as it is much harder to bring someone back once they have moved.

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