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Unsure what to do. Advice needed please

(6 Posts)
baby0684 Sat 20-Feb-16 15:36:32

I had a fling end of last year. And now I'm pregnant. Tried to contact the dad through my friend as he blocked me.
I have said that if he doesn't want to be involved that's fine. But had no response from saying I'm pregnant, and when my scan is.
I knew his mum a few years ago, do I contact her?
I know where his brother works ( never met) do I go down there?
Or do I just give up and think he doesn't want to be involved?

andadietcoke Sat 20-Feb-16 15:39:31

When you tried to contact him via your friend did you tell him you were pregnant? If so, and you know he's read the message (assuming Facebook or iMessage) then I think you can assume he doesn't want to be involved. I wouldn't go via his mum or brother; it's unlikely to endear you to him. He may come around in time and want to be more involved.

Liberated71 Sat 20-Feb-16 15:40:04

I'd say do whatever you can so you can be certain that you've let him know. What he does after that is up to him but you will have done the right thing. You will need to think thro the long term - contact, maintenance etc...
I wish you the best of luck. I'm a single parent of two boys- it's not easy but it's the most rewarding thing I've done. thanks

ivykaty44 Sat 20-Feb-16 15:41:27

You have informed him of the pg now you can't do any more than that

When baby is born then you ask him to pay his share and if not go through proper channels.

It's not for you to contact other family members

baby0684 Sat 20-Feb-16 15:50:57

Was sent through messenger. 1st message that said I was pregnant said it had been delivered, but not read. (But i know you can read your messages without opening them)
The second message about the scan has not been delivered.
I don't have any other means of contacting him. As his phone number now invalid and like I said he blocked me on fbook.

I don't want to leave it til the birth to then sort out maintenance.
Ps how would you do that if you have no clue where he lives (apart from the village). No phone number. Etc

cheekymonkeythe5th Sat 20-Feb-16 17:31:44

I had a situation a bit like this a few years ago, so a few questions:

- do you know where he works now?
- do you have his birth date?
- do you know (even roughly) how much he earns?
- do you know his national insurance number?

All I did, when Ex disappeared (I mean, literally, moved to another city/job and cut contact while I was pregnant --the charmer--) was handle the pregnancy and everything else myself, then sent him a very polite letter and a few photos when she was a few weeks old, to his work place (only address I had).

The thing is, if he knows ( and from what you've said he DOES - the friend will have told him surely even if he ignored the message), the decision making is down to you now. I decided it was best to assume Ex was never going to get involved and proceed on that basis. He's never met DD (now 2) so it turns out that was a wise idea. He is an adult and responsible for his own choices I've made it clear all along that I am open to contact and even encourage it. His loss as DD is the most gorgeous amazing clever cutie the world has ever seen - and my gain.

The child maintenance people asked those questions above, any/all of the answers will help them make direct contact with him and assess his maintenance obligations - so if he won't talk with you later on, they'll still get in touch if you want them to. They won't start processing maintenance until you can give them the birth date of your child (I tried, that's what they told me) so you won't be able to do it while you are pregnant.

One tip - it's easy to set up an anonymous email address, then use that to set up an anonymous Facebook and Linkedin account. Both are ways to potentially find information for maintenance without him knowing and blocking you / making changes. Another option is a private investigator (not always as costly as you might think).

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