AIBU over whether he's emergency contact when he lives 200 miles away?

(7 Posts)
Mamapotter2008 Wed 17-Feb-16 08:03:13

My ex has moved 200 miles away from where we lived together as a family. I collected our daughter from a club yesterday, and they told me that our daughter had been talking about where he lives, so they wondered whether I could provide a more suitable emergency contact for her.

I didn't disagree with their position at all - at the end of that day what are they going to do if she throws up everywhere and needs collecting?

So I asked my ex to put me in contact with his parents, who he gets on well with and who live round the corner so I can ask them to be secondary emergency contact.

Well, he's not happy with that and is kicking off. I reassured him that whoever is emergency contact would try to contact him too if a decision needs to be made about anything, but at the end of the day if she's ill it's so much better for her if she knows who's coming to get her and it happens quickly. The solution he's put forward requires them waiting around whilst he finds someone to collect her - that's assuming they've managed to get hold of him in the first place. Some of these settings are very busy and it's going to be hard for them to wait around whilst he sorts things out, especially when they have a sick child to comfort.

I'm livid, because once again this is a situation where his appearance as a good father is more important than her welfare.

AIBU?

coffeeisnectar Wed 17-Feb-16 08:11:35

Do you have a friend you could put down? I took my ex off as an emergency contact as he was too unreliable. I didn't even discuss it with him.

It seems your ex is being ridiculously petty over this and if he won't give you contact details for his parents then find someone else.

Mamapotter2008 Wed 17-Feb-16 08:14:11

I sent him this:

"Do you know what, there is no need to be so agressive with me over a situation you created. I like dealing with this about as much as you do.

Fine, I will make my own arrangements and let whoever it is know you are to be contacted in an emergency that requires your input. "

Feel bad.

Blacksheep78 Wed 17-Feb-16 08:15:09

YANBU. Kids come first. Since you know where his parents live, go see them yourself. My EH hasn't been an emergency contact for our 3DC's ever - even when we were still together, as he was unable to answer a phone during work hours.

SoupDragon Wed 17-Feb-16 08:16:41

My ex is, generally, not down as the emergency contact as he would most likely to be unavailable. I have simply never discussed it with him! Whenever he is down as a contact, he is below a family friend I know would always be available.

MisForMumNotMaid Wed 17-Feb-16 08:17:49

My husband works over an hour away so isn't an emergency contact for our DC.

School rules for our DC are contacts need to be within ideally 30mins. Only named contacts can collect so phoning around and finding someone just wouldn't be acceptable.

If its his pride that hurting then could you reassure him he's not being displaced just more options added.

SavoyCabbage Wed 17-Feb-16 08:27:35

When I emigrated, I had a local friend as my first emergency contact and then my sister (12 thousand miles away) as my second contact in case of life of death situations. If there was no space for a second contact, I just wrote it in somewhere and put (in UK) next to it.

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