ex introducing gf to dd

[83mummypig]

So my ex has informed me he had a new gf and he is introducing her to our dd tomorrow. I respect him as her father and know he will do it properly, but this is the first time he's introduced someone and I feel physically sick about another woman coming in to my dd's life. I know that what I feel is going to be very common, but I wondered how you dealt with this? I have been crying like anything!

[83mummypig]

When I say new gf I don't mean new as in he's just met her, he's actually in a relationship - although I don't know who the woman is or anything about her.

[ConkersDontScareSpiders]

I don't have any advice really-just come along to sympathise as I know that as and when this happens with my exh I will hate it.Not because I want him back but because I will be envious of the time my DD's spend with someone else and of course worried they will like her more. I'm aware that makes me sound horrible. My stomach is sinking just thinking about it even though I trust him to pick well and introduce the person apropriately.

[ConkersDontScareSpiders]

I guess you have to be kind of positive about tit for the dc's much as you may not feel it yourself.sort of along the lines of 'it's a good thing dad is happy, and it's OK to like her' etc etc...worst thing would be to put them in a position where they feel they are having to choose or feel guilty re one parent or another? I imagine this is much easier said than done!

[ConkersDontScareSpiders]

About 'it'. NOT 'tit'! No one would expect you to be that open minded!

[marriednotdead]

It should be ok as long as you let it be.

Presumably he was/is a decent enough father so he will have your DDs best interests at heart. Keep your feelings to yourself, have a rant here or at a friend that won't escalate any negativity you may express.

Think of it as someone else in her life that will care about her and try to make her happy.

It gets easier in time, I promise.
My ex married the OW so it was beyond hard at first! But, she has always treated my DS well, her family accept him too, and the DCs they have gone on to have since, adore their big brother.

[Lonecatwithkitten]

I have a 12 year old DD and one of her BF as also has separated parents. The experience of both girls is that when their Dads have nice girlfriends they are much happier visiting their Dad's home. Nice GFs seem to like to do craft activities, bake and go shopping. Whilst the thought of another woman being in your DD's life is upsetting the reality of having a DD who is really happy to go to their Dad's and returns happy, having had a great time is much nicer.
Sadly for both DD and her BF their Dads appear to be rubbish at retaining 'nice' gf.

[backonthebikeagain]

My dd's told me about my exdp's gf and again when he moved in with her. I would much rather he had told me himself.

I have cried so many tears over the years (they have been together 3 years and im still on my own)

But now, Im ok with it. She will never be their mum. They like her, she is good to them and thats all I can ask.

Its ok to cry and it does get easier x

[ewbank]

It's hard, but it will massively benefit you both to be positive.

I presume firstly that the gf is a nice enough person... Presuming that, think of her as someone extra in your DD's life who she will have fun with, who might bring her different experiences (maybe she's into a sport you don't like, or music, or shopping??!) and potentially someone else who will love your DD and be a support for her.

She will never replace you and your DD knows that. But by embracing her presence in your DD's life your DD could really benefit.

[Kinderegg50]

My ex's partner was most certainly the other woman and it was only months down the line I realised he had taken our little one to hers almost immediately after we split. Now two years on this still grates immensely at times, but as my confidence has grown as a parent and the bond grows with my little one it doesn't really affect me anywhere near as much or as painfully as it did. I realised after a while that this person although doing everything perfectly and being the best she could be for him isn't and never will be mum. I now don't actually feel terribly threatened anymore, but sadly there is always some element of fear in the back of my mind. I don't know if that will ever go. But, it does just get so much easier you really won't care too much after enough time. As another poster has said, it's better to know little ones are having a nice time with them rather than when they are distraught about going - that is horrible.