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contact agreements

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Louloujay Mon 08-Feb-16 12:16:23

Hi all,

Much like a lot of you I'm after some advice. I have two children, 21 months and 7 months and separated from my ex only 6 weeks after my youngest birth after he assaulted me and the neighbours phoned the police.

I am happily rid of him tbh and have enjoyed parenting my girls. I have always encouraged him to see the girls and have tried to maintain a cordial relationship with him to enable that. At my DD's ages I know that little and often contact is better for them so he baths them three times a week (mo/wed/fri) and picks them up by 9 am on a Saturday morning and drops them off on Sunday at 9:30. His mum also gets the girls on a Thursday afternoon so she can have some grandma time. I happen to think this arrangement is working quite well and I think is fair on both me and my ex whilst more importantly being great for the girls. When the girls are older and more able to cope, was thinking in a year, we have talked about doing alternate weekends and perhaps a night in the week. However last week, off my own back I extended the offer to my ex of having alternate Friday nights as well, because my eldest seems to be drifting away from him and it would save the girls and him, rushing around in the morning. I genuinely believed it would be great thing for them all and there was no other hidden agenda.

My ex however appears to be unhappy because he believes (incorrectly and with no evidence!) I'm seeing someone and my social life is better than his which is not fair (my social life is woefully dismal and he has a far superior one. I admit to neglecting my friends after having kids). He has decided that the current arrangement doesn't work and he wants to go to the alternate weekend, because he doesn't ever get Saturday night off so he can go on dates. That is quite true, but he also gets Sun-Fri nights to himself, whilst living with his mum with no responsibilities and with my offer would only lose two Friday's a month.

I truly thought I was doing the best thing for the girls and him by offering the extra night and I don't understand how it's suddenly become such a big to do. He's refusing to have them at all or told me that he'll drop them back from visits whenever he likes with no warnings. He doesn't want them during he week as he has work (he works a typical 9-5 and there is no reason I would see why having that extra night during the week wouldn't be an unreasonable alternative) but is insisting I'm unreasonable for not relenting to EOW while the girls are this young. I think that Friday Night until Monday morning is too long for a 7 month old to not be with her mum, especially when I have always been the primary carer. Next year I would happily consider it if they were emotionally ready, but they are not there yet.

Am I unreasonable for insisting we stick to what we have now? I just want the best for them, I don't care whether that means I have to own to being wrong.

And apologies for the long post, I'm truly just confused and frustrated.

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