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Feel so alone:( need someone to talk to

(10 Posts)
Katieemilyxo Mon 08-Feb-16 00:38:35

My boyfriend of nearly two years left me and after three weeks went to his x before me and sits talking to girls all day,I spend all my day looking after are son, while he sits and plays xbox at home he goes to college three days a week hardly bothers to turn up you would think he would get s job?! I feel so lonely all my life is, is sitting indoors looking after my son I have reslly bad anxiety so nervous meeting new people he was the only person I felt comfortable with and be myself around hes pushed all my old friends away we would spend alot of are time together now hes just gone.. he said he wants nothing to do with his son soon as people hate him for how hes treating his son he now wants to see him yet blocked me of everything and hasnt contacted about him at all im chasing him to do so im so done , lonely and fed up I dont go out unless its for stuff for my son otherwise im depressed, love my son to peices but I never get a break and I need to move on but im finding it so hard he was such a asshole but for some reason I loved him sad sorry to rant on need someone to talk to.

timemaychangeme Mon 08-Feb-16 06:36:57

Katie Really sorry things are so awful for you. You feel how you feel about someone, even when you know they are totally not worth it. You sound really lonely and depressed. It's probably water off a ducks back right now, to hear someone say you deserve so much more than this. That he sounds controlling (pushing your friends away) and manipulative and immature.

How old is your son? Looking after little ones is utterly exhausting. Is there anyone in RL you could talk to, or at least spend some time with? Sometimes just some other adult company can really help you feel less on your own/miserable. Have you seen your GP about the anxiety/depression? I imagine the stress of the situation with your boyfriend are making them both worse at the moment. It sounds like he is calling the shots and then not following through on what he says he wants, which is exhausting and really stressful. There needs to be some boundaries set so he can't just come up with stuff and then mess you around.

I think if you moved this thread to 'chat' you'd get a lot more traffic. It really does help to have a rant, so rant away.

Katieemilyxo Mon 08-Feb-16 10:45:50

Hes 6 months old now its been really hard work and im to scared to tell a doctor incase they use it to take my baby away hes the only reason I wake up in the morning he is immature he is only 17 though im just hear about him going out with girls friends by everyone while im at home caring for are baby makes me fuming sadx

timemaychangeme Mon 08-Feb-16 11:02:07

My grand daughter is 5 months old and looking after her reminded me how absolutely exhausting caring for babies is. I'm not surprised you need a break.

The last thing your doctor will have on his mind is taking your baby away. The first thing, will be how they can support you and help you feel less anxious/depressed. If every baby of mum's who went to their gp feeling low and anxious, were taken away, there would be hundreds of thousands of babies in care. It's extremely normal to feel like this and something your doctor will be very familiar with I should think.

It must be maddening hearing your boyfriend go on about going out while you are bringing up your child. At 17 he is understandably immature and sounds unable to accept the reality of being a father. Do you have any family around?

SavoyCabbage Mon 08-Feb-16 11:17:05

It's ok to feel exhausted and overwhelmed when you are looking after a six month old baby. It's a lot of work and it just seems to go on and on.

Do you have any family nearby?

Is there a sure start or whatever they are called now that you might be able to go to? I totally know what you mean about going to groups and talking to people so what I did was go to ones where there was something to do. Rather than ones that are like a playgroup. Like singing ones at the library.

Another thing to think about is the idea of getting a job or doing a course so that you are not with your baby every minute of the day. I did a first aid course when my oldest was a baby because there was a crèche! It was so nice to do something for myself.

Katieemilyxo Mon 08-Feb-16 18:52:57

I do live at home but my mum and dad have there own lifes and jobs my mum helps now and again but I do all the nights she will help me with a bottle or so now and again but im so tired and feel so lonely id love to go to some sort of group but im so nervouse only being ,18 id also love a job but I cant no one to look after my babysad my family have a history of mental illness so im scared ill be judged if I talk to my doctor I have a past of self harm but it was a very long time ago I went through a hard time growing up I feel trapped x

timemaychangeme Mon 08-Feb-16 22:30:28

My dd was nervous about joining a group. Like Savoy she goes to ones where you 'do' something rather than sit about and talk. She isn't confident about talking to new people in big groups, so having something to actually do - baby massage, baby yoga or whatever, you don't just have to strike up a conversation. Her baby clinic has quite a few groups - massage, weaning club etc. Is there anything like that near you? I'd not worry about being judged. Being a new parent is a real leveler because you are all coping with the same things. My dd lives in a very posh area of London at the moment and is a very un-posh girl from Yorkshire. She said she worried about finding the other mums intimidating. They're not though (I went to a baby group with her when I was visiting) and they're friendly and supportive and she has found a few local mums she is going to invite round.

You won't be judged if you go to your doctors. Most families have people in them who have had some sort of mental illness. I think the figure is something like 1 in 4 people will suffer from depression at some time or other. Self harm too, will be nothing new for your average gp either, so I'd not let that stop you getting help and support. I burst into floods of tears with PND when my dd was a few weeks old. I felt so ashamed and embarrassed but the doctor was lovely and made me feel 'normal' and ok about it.

Being a young mum also has lots of advantages too, especially later on. You will have plenty of time when he is a bit older to think about what you want to do and get work experience/training/study etc. Now is the hardest time when they are so dependent on you but it will get better.
Have you told your Mum how you feel? If you did, would she understand do you think?

Gingernut81 Mon 08-Feb-16 23:16:57

Hi, you won't be judged badly at all by your GP for getting help. I suffered from depression prior to my pregnancy and ended up back on antidepressants when DD was just 2 weeks old. My GP was (and still is) really supportive and there's no way they'd take your son off you. My surgery also offer counselling which I've accessed in the past, they might offer something similar for your anxiety. I know medication and counselling won't make your problems go away but they might help you cope better.
I find sleep deprivation doesn't help either. Is there any way your parents could do even just one night if he still wakes, that way you can get a really decent nights sleep.
My local sure start centre do lots of different groups, why not see if there's anything you could go to? I heard about a website called mummy social where you can find mums in your area & arrange to meet up although I appreciate that this would be really daunting for you.
Finally I would say try to build bridges with your friends, perhaps invite them to see your son. I had a boyfriend in my early 20s who was very controlling and made me think I didn't need my old friends. After nearly 5 years with him it was too late to repair the damage by the time we split up and it's one of my biggest regrets as they are all still so close.
Good luck with it all flowers

scarletinsel Mon 08-Feb-16 23:38:56

As you are only 18 you should be entitled to "care to learn" money for childcare if you take up some study. This will give you a break from caring for your child, and if you want you could choose a course that might lead to a job in the future. Look up "care to learn" on Gov.uk. Also, childrens centres run courses to help new parents cope better and they often have a creche. Your health visitor might be able to suggest local groups and activities. Lots of new mums feel the way you do, so she is not going to judge you.

Flowerpower41 Tue 09-Feb-16 09:09:11

Does the health visitor know any groups for young people. For those your age group.

Would Surestart have a group.

Or if not the local womens centre.

Not sure if any of this would help but worth a whirl?

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