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Thoughts? Protecting child when ex moves childless new partner in

(7 Posts)
GrinningImp Sat 06-Feb-16 16:40:19

HI, all

I'd really appreciate any pointers, sane guidelines etc from anyone who's been through this before.

My ex (3y separated) is moving in his g/f of about 1y. I've not met her (tho my 4 y/o DS has, without my knowing) but have no worries about her being a decent human being (it's my ex - an emotional abuser we had to run away from - that I'm worried about). So I've all kinds of fears about the future but they're not useful!

What I would be v grateful for is practical things to think about:

- as they're not marrying, & my DS is only there 24h/week, what's a helpful explanation of her role in the family?
- what kinds of questions are small kids likely to come up with & is there a guideline about explaining (eg like there is with sex ed: answer the question and no more!)?
- How much "future-proofing" our explanations is wise/helpful, eg to cover off various possible eventualities without them seeming like huge changes (from marriage, moving and babies to splitting up etc)?
- what about my ex's will / house etc?
- does their newly increased household income impact on maintenance?

All suggestions gratefully received; every kid / case is different, but seems wise to tap into the hive!
Thanks in advance!

MyKingdomForBrie Sat 06-Feb-16 16:47:09

She's daddy's girlfriend? I can't see that you need to say much more unless he asks.

No impact on maintenance unless they have a child in the future then your maintenance will reduce.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe Sat 06-Feb-16 16:58:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HaveIGotAClue Sat 06-Feb-16 17:00:56

Daddy's girlfriend. Leave the rest out!

enderwoman Sun 07-Feb-16 17:04:15

You are overthinking this massively.
Daddy's girlfriend would be the appropriate label for her.

My son is 9 and never had a teacher who is a parent but has managed to build good relationships with them during the 30+ hours a week that he's at school.

I know it's hard but all you can do is cross your fingers that she's a normal, nice woman. Chances are if they marry, have kids or move house you'll be the last to know so don't worry.

TheTigerIsOut Sun 07-Feb-16 17:11:35

My only concern is about you passing on your worries onto your children. You don't need to explain much at all, your children are not seeing the world through your eyes.

You just need to say, IF they ask, that she is dad's partner and that's why they are living together.

Their massive joint income is none of your concern, CM is calculated on his income
only so things won't change for you.

Ex's will??? Good grief, you really do not need to fight for the inheritance of someone who is alive!

GrinningImp Tue 09-Feb-16 22:03:00

Thank you, everyone!
Sorry for the silence - thought I had notifications set up.
Very wise words, and I've got time between now and telling my son to get it all into my head and chill out. A big thanks - really appreciate the calm wisdom!

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