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AIBU?

(6 Posts)
Mamapotter2008 Fri 29-Jan-16 17:36:58

He's got 7 yo dd this weekend. This morning I get an email from him complaining that she doesn't pick up the phone when he calls her, so he expects her to always pick up on Monday, Wednesday and Fridays at 5pm, and he expects my support in this.

That time is not terribly convenient. She's either getting ready for going out to an activity (doing homework, eating dinner, getting changed) or she's at a friend's house. He claims anytime after 7 is no good because she'll be too tired. I'd translate that as after 7 I'm out looking for the next person to shag. It's the perfect time for her to talk to him.

The other problem is she's angry with him. He's discussed the relationship with her, and this has not put him in a good light in her eyes. So sometimes she doesn't want to talk to him. I encourage her as much as I can, but I'm not going to force her.

He won't accept any of that. It's my fault because I just quietly sit there and let her ignore him. I do not, but he was standing at the bottom of the driveway shouting this at me this afternoon (not in front of her).

I've told him why she's so angry with him, suggested how he can tackle her questions about what's happened without going into adult level detail. I've suggested that he needs to discuss when it's a good time to call. I've said if we do those things she might not always be picking up at first, but with time she may.

I'm worried, because he's moved so far away and only sees her every other weekend. What's he going to do when she's a teenager and has a social life that gets in the way of his contact? I've not pointed that out to him.

He says IABU. Am I?

Lonecatwithkitten Fri 29-Jan-16 18:50:25

I used to get all of this. My technique was I picked up the phone and would say I will just get her to talk to you. I would then hold the phone at arms length and say loudly and clearly 'DD it's your dad on the phone please could you come and talk to him' then when she screamed no at me he would hear. I would then say 'I'm terribly sorry I have asked and as you heard she had said no, goddbye'

Mamapotter2008 Fri 29-Jan-16 19:20:31

Yeah. I'd get shit about not making her do it. He's such a controlling knob. I just want to get in the car, drive over there and come and get her. If he's that bothered about his relationship with her, perhaps he should rethink moving 200 miles away and fortnightly contact. Like I say, total knob.

Penfold007 Fri 29-Jan-16 20:13:43

How old is your DD? Does she want to speak to him?

Mamapotter2008 Fri 29-Jan-16 21:32:15

She's a very stubborn determined 7 year old. Sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn't. It's all very new for her. I told him, the really really important thing was that she knows he wants to talk to her, and suggested he tells her that he loves her very much and tries to call every day because he is thinking of her and wants to know how her day went. I suggested he ask her why it is she doesn't want to talk. Has he taken any of this on board? No. He's talking about his rights and how he thinks it's best for her long term if they talk every day. I said I agree with him about it being good for her in the long run to talk every day, however I don't think laying the law down with her or forcing her to talk to him is the way to go about it.

Lonecatwithkitten Sat 30-Jan-16 08:19:09

From my experience when they are stubborn phoning more makes them dig their heels in more. I found in the mornings much, much better than the evening for talking on the phone. In the morning the are fresh and no building up festering feelings of unfairness. You could suggest this?

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