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Dinner parties and the single parent/woman

(11 Posts)
coalfire Sun 24-Jan-16 22:37:26

Oh my gosh.
I was at an ad hoc dinner party last night.
two couples and me, the single mother.
And I realised it was THE FIRST TIME IN LONGER THAN I CAN REMEMBER that I have been at a dinner couple, hosted by a couple with another couple.

I realised that I HAVE NEVER BEEN INVITED TO A DINNER PARTY BY ANY OF MY KIDS FRIEND'S PARENTS even though, on reflection, I remember hearing other parents (who I am also friends with) talk about drinks or dinners out, or whatever with other coupled parents from the school/nursery.

I have met people one on one for breakfast etc, but it is not with the husbands. And never at night, at a dinner, with other couples.

The only dinner parties I've been invited to ... are from two friends who are single women, and happy to have couples, and other singles mix.

I am so shocked to realise this.

I don't think it's just me as I've done a poll of my single friends and they all say the same thing. I don't think couples are doing it on purpose, but it's just shocking to realise that they see me so differently? It's not that I'm a threat (or other single women are a threat). Maybe it's that they feel sorry for us, or we make them feel akward.
It's a shocking realisation.

What's your experience, folks.

MissWimpyDimple Sun 24-Jan-16 23:14:02

Yes definitely feel that way and really hate it

Humble314 Sun 24-Jan-16 23:21:54

I'd go if I were invited!

I never am though. It's shit but I have accepted it now.

ittooshallpass Mon 25-Jan-16 05:30:12

I've never been invited either... and I know other mums at school socialise as couples as I've seen posts on FB (subtle!) and heard them talking about it.

I must admit though, I haven't invited any couples to me for dinner either, so maybe that's why I'm not invited? But it would be odd to invite one couple for dinner... I'd have to invite 2 or 3 to make it feel ok. And that's a lot of work and ££!

I was only talking about this to friends (whi live miles away) yesterday and they were stunned that I'm not invited...

I do miss mixed socialising. I'm not trying to steal anyone's husband... just would like to enjoy male conversation at some point. All my social contact is with women.

hesterton Mon 25-Jan-16 05:46:04

The key must be you inviting them first surely? Once they know you aren't bothered about not being in a couple when dining with them, they can invite you back?

BillMurrey Mon 25-Jan-16 05:49:12

I'm part of a couple and we have never been invited to a dinner party by school friends in this way. All our socializing is generally women (mums) only and with or without kids, but very rarely with partners. Equally, I have never invited other friends round as a couple, though I know quite a few of the partners well and they have no problem chatting with myself and dp when we bump in to them.

Away from school, I have a couple of single friends and dp and I socialize with them a lot. I've never considered the single thing to be an issue.

Are you sure the couple/dinner party thing is as prolific as you think? Maybe start the ball rolling by inviting a few couples round for an evening at yours first. I agree, that if it is happening, it's a bit shit.

VashtaNerada Mon 25-Jan-16 06:08:04

I'm in a relationship and I never socialise like this, maybe because I don't have many babysitting options. I'm not sure dinner parties is a thing where I live (or if it is, the others are very discreet!)

Flowerpower41 Mon 25-Jan-16 06:52:51

Dinner parties are not commonplace these days to begin with.

Eastpoint Mon 25-Jan-16 06:57:59

I don't have many divorced or single friends, but I have invited them to dinner. Thinking about it, my divorced friends seem to have more exciting evenings out when they aren't with their children than I feel I host, they go to bars, clubs etc rather than sitting around chatting.

sofato5miles Mon 25-Jan-16 07:02:52

We socialise a lot and the two single women in know, or spouses whose other halves are travelling, are always invited too.

But then our friends are all very social and just enjoy getting together.

I would start by hosting a couple of dinner parties yourself and see if the invite is reciprocated. If it isn't, then you know they are not worth being friends with.

stumblymonkey Mon 25-Jan-16 07:15:29

I go out as a couple with other couples but see single friends on my own.

Not due to any awkwardness or anything but simply because with a couple I can unload DP on the other man to chat about 'boy stuff' as he wouldn't be that interested in attending otherwise so it's better to catch up 1-on-1.

That being said if I was having a 'big' dinner party i.e. more than one couple, I would invite singles too.

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