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Mixed-race son and absent father

(3 Posts)
Poll32 Sun 17-Jan-16 21:31:08

Hi, my son (5) is of mixed-race heritage- white and black. His father is from the Ivory Coast and hasn't seen him for 2 years.

Until recently, my DS has been very content, but now he's constantly questioning me about his father- I can answer most of his questions. But I believe he's beginning to put his father on a pedestal stall and make him into something he isn't. My DS says he "misses his daddy" and sometimes says he doesn't like this country and wants to go somewhere else like the Ivory Coast. He is also very much aware of his skin colour and possibly has some issues with it.

I am just wondering if anyone is going through something similar, has been through it or has lived in a similar situation. Any advice would be appreciated.

Duffelcoat Tue 19-Jan-16 21:55:12

My DS is mixed race and became very interested in his heritage at that age too. Im mixed race and was brought up by my white mum. DS became obsessed with MY Dad, putting 'the idea of him' on a pedestal - even though he had never been a part of my life. It really upset my mum at the time as she thought it had come from me. He grew out of it but i think on reflection it was pretty healthy. I remember being ashamed of my colour at that age back in the seventies (a very different time) But then I was a shy kid and attended a very white school so it was natural to want to blend and fit in. I liked the fact that he is proud of that part of his culture even though it isn't represented in the extended family. Age 13 he is very confident and comfortable in his own skin.

starry0ne Wed 20-Jan-16 15:51:18

My DS is not mixed race but hasn't seen his Dad since he was 3.. I found when he started school was the highest level of curiosity...I think this is due to the age of awareness... To be honest my ds (8) brought the subject up again and he remembers very little about his dad...WE talked about he didn't miss his Dad he just felt different to others..He had heard another child doing something with his Dad but I have to say we talked about how much we do and how he might not have a dad to do it but he does as much as everyone else if not more.

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