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What do i do?

(16 Posts)
Amy214 Sun 17-Jan-16 17:13:45

Hi i have a 2 year old daughter and i feel as though everyone hates me and her, my daughter is the perfect girl listens well and is generally well behaved for me, but when my brothers family comes around she acts out, hits and pulls her cousins hair, i have asked if they do come around can they tie her hair back just so she doesnt get hurt and they get really annoyed about that but when my daughter pulls her hair i always get moaned at to tell her to stop, i never shout at my daughter i dont think theres any point, i tend to use positive discipline which is fantastic! My problem is when my daughter does act out they all shout at her (theres 5 of them) the poor girl must be terrified, i have asked if they do give her into trouble not to shout and only tell her once, they dont seem to listen, they have also resorted to hitting her back. I lost it when i seen my sister in law smacking her twice, i slapped her which isnt the answer and i feel bad but i just saw red. So now im seen as the bad one i have apologised, they also tell my niece to hit my daughter back i do not agree with that at all, i feel like giving up what do i do now? Im currently saving up for a deposit on a house and i will be going back to work part time when shes in nursery as i cant afford the child care right now

OP’s posts: |
gamerchick Sun 17-Jan-16 17:23:56

Do you have to have them come over?

What do you do when your daughter is pulling hair and how much into 2 is she, newly 2 or near 3?

gamerchick Sun 17-Jan-16 17:25:02

As for slapping your sil I don't blame you. She's got no right to slap your kid.

CwtchMeQuick Sun 17-Jan-16 17:30:10

Although your SIL shouldn't be slapping your child, it sounds like your daughter hits there's and you don't do anything?
If my child was constantly being hurt by another and the parent did nothing then I'd be stepping in. If you don't like them telling your daughter off then I think you need to discipline her yourself

hownottofuckup Sun 17-Jan-16 17:31:03

Unfortunately, it's not uncommon for people to resort to telling their DC to hit back if another child keeps hitting them, so if you don't want that to happen you need to try other ways to stop your daughter from doing this, as the ones you are currently employing obviously aren't working.
Is it just her cousin she reacts like this with or other children too? If it's with children in general you might want to flag it up to nursery when she starts. Perhaps they could help you with methods to deter this type of behaviour.

Amy214 Sun 17-Jan-16 17:32:19

Shes nearly 2 just a month off, i take her away from the situation and tell she cant do that as its not very nice and then i give my niece a cuddle and tell my daughter to give her a cuddle to say sorry which she does she even gives her a kiss, i live with my parents so they come over to visit us all

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Amy214 Sun 17-Jan-16 17:33:39

Its just her older cousin her younger cousin she doesnt touch, she strokes his head and says 'aww baby' and gives him loads of kisses

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Amy214 Sun 17-Jan-16 17:35:30

I do discipline her i just dont shout, as i said above i take her away from the sitution and tell her she cant do that as its not very nice, it works if she lashes out and hits me so i cant see why it wont work with my niece

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Amy214 Sun 17-Jan-16 17:40:13

I have a family nurse who comes around every month which is like a health visitor but they help first time parents that are under 19. She helps a lot and she was the one who told me about this method and it honestly works when there is no other children around, i dont know if its because she gets too excited because she seems to not bother after an hour or two but by that time there getting ready to leave

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gamerchick Sun 17-Jan-16 17:45:52

So she's still a baby? Your relatives are out of order.

Unfortunately I don't know what to suggest other than move out which is easier said than done I know. Maybe in the meantime avoid the visits completely which isn't fair I know but I couldn't have my baby around people who slap her for being a toddler.

Amy214 Sun 17-Jan-16 17:48:39

Ive been thinking about taking her out for a few hours while they are here just to get away from the hassle and im hoping i have enough saved up next year for a deposit on a house

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afreshstartplease Sun 17-Jan-16 17:54:15

Wow op your family are bang out of order

RabbitSaysWoof Sun 17-Jan-16 22:21:23

I think going out is the best solution for now if you can.
To be honest tho, I think you are blaming the situation for your dd's behaviour, but actually to say she is the perfect girl when she has an adult all to herself and no children to share with or co operate with is saying she is perfect when things are going her way. You are testing out a child's behaviour properly when you socialise them, and you are really realising when this happens that your dd isn't perfect.
Which is totally normal at that age, lots of children at that age have a go being spiteful/ grabby because they are very young and they are learning and they are not supposed to be perfect, it's not at all a reflection on you or her that at just under 2 she is showing that behaviour.
It would just be a shame if your anger at the fact that these people are here, or that they take it upon themselves to discipline your child masks the fact that you do need to be very firm with this kind of behaviour, your family don't cause the problem their presence is disclosing it.
I have seen friendships drift because peoples children don't get along and everyone see's their own dc as being not a problem, if only this other kid wasn't here, really they don't like the feeling that their own child is doing something antisocial but these phases go and your family will still be there when she is over it, so I would try not to do any lasting damage to your family ties for now.

Amy214 Sun 17-Jan-16 23:10:10

I know shes not perfect nobody is, i do take her out to things like soft play and shes normally fine with other kids but its just her older cousin that she seems to hit all the time, maybe its because shes invading her toys and space, i dont like shouting because ive never been a shouty person, i feel that she responds a lot better when i take her to the side and explain to her that this behaviour is unacceptable and its not very nice and to say sorry which she does by giving a cuddle because she cant say it yet i just cant understand why they tell my niece to hit her back surely it will just make the situation worse? My daughter will end up thinking its ok to hit?

OP’s posts: |
gamerchick Sun 17-Jan-16 23:15:55

You're doing fine OP. She's still a baby, it'll all come in time and your family are out of order.

I would avoid them for a bit if you can.

Amy214 Sun 17-Jan-16 23:24:52

I think that we would all be happier if we had some space for a couple of weeks just to relax, hopefully things will have worked out by then, i am trying my best and i think thats all that matters, i know ill never get everything right smile

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