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Ex inconsitent on contact

(5 Posts)
Icandoanything Sun 10-Jan-16 19:49:23

Ex and I have been split since June 2013. From that time to August 2014 his contact with DS (now 6) has been sporadic to say the least. He ignored my emails and tests asking to arrange consistent,regular contact and would usually just text the day before or on the day to ask to see him. He has mostly been unemployed during that period so it wasn't down to work that he wasn't seeing son,he just chose not to.

In August he instigated mediation where we agreed days and times for contact. All went well until Nov when he got a job and said he couldn't see son anymore as he would be busy in the run up to Christmas and is given no notice on when he works (he was working nights at a bakery). He saw him once in December on Christmas Day for 2 hours. I have asked about contact in the New Year and he said things at work should calm down in Jan and he'd let me know.

Well surprise surprise,it's now the 10th and I've not heard anything. The maintenance hes paying has halved so I know he's not working as many hours as he was in Jan.On Tuesday I emailed him saying I was fed up of waiting for him to arrange regular consistent contact with DS and not to contact me again til he could arrange this and stick to it.

He's emailed me tonight to say hes paid in the grand total of £ 15 (woo hoo!) And that he wants to take DS to a football game on 27th Feb. I replied saying considering that was over a month away and that I couldn't comment on whether DS would want to go as at the point in time,he might not have seen as since 25th Dec. I said that arranging regular contact he could maintain long term was more important than a one off visit.

Am I doing the right thing sticking to my guns and asking for regular contact to be arranged as opposed to a one off visit every 3 months? My son doesn't ask after his dad but does enjoy his time with him but I feel an absent father may be less harmful than one who drops in and out of his life. And I refuse to go back to Adhoc contact as I don't think it did any of us apart from ex any good

wannabestressfree Sun 10-Jan-16 19:59:47

I think yes and also that you need to formalize maintenace. Halving it is no good to you.... You will never know where you stand.
There is no reason why he can't do one night for Tea and every other weekend over night if he is fairly local. Your poor DS sad it's just not good enough.

starry0ne Sun 10-Jan-16 21:19:49

Do you think he actually wants to see DS? It certainly doesn't come across that way in the post.

If he doesn't I think you need to stop chasing him to see Ds.. I also agree Does he increase when hours are upped.. if not CMS all the way

Icandoanything Wed 13-Jan-16 10:00:10

I think he wants to see him, on HIS terms, when it suits him, when he has the time.

For example, I've just had an email asking can he see him for ten minutes or however long today? And tomorrow.

These days obviously work for him, but adhoc here and there is no good for DS. I feel like a right cow for persisting with this consistency thing, because he could see him today for a bit, but I just don't think it will do DS any good.

Icandoanything Wed 13-Jan-16 10:02:26

The irregularity I mean, when I say it won't do DS any good.

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