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Child access

(10 Posts)
charlybear7 Fri 01-Jan-16 15:16:36

What are people's views if a father doesn't pay maintenance in when her he gets to see his children? I'm so confused as constant game playing by my ex I can't see the wood for the trees!x

ItsMyFuckingWedding Fri 01-Jan-16 15:17:55

Maintenance has nothing to do with access. Children aren't pay per view

LaurieFairyCake Fri 01-Jan-16 15:21:50

Unless you're on benefits or unable to earn money there is no excuse for not providing for your children

Contact is entirely separate

Lurkedforever1 Fri 01-Jan-16 15:35:11

Look at it a few decades down the line. When dc are adults, or even teens, and are aware darling daddy didn't financially contribute, they'll think he's a prick and come to their own conclusions about how much of a so called father he was, which will damage their relationship with him. If however you prevent their having a relationship with him by preventing access, they'll resent you.

Him being a tosser by not paying maintenance is something for them to judge when they are older. Not for you to make a decision on now on their behalf.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Louisjohnsmum Sat 02-Jan-16 19:45:39

I think I'm going through the same thing here my baby's dad pays me 25 pounds a week and it does upset me considering his earnings and most of all is this all Louis johns realy worth to him an also buying prams eat it does cost more than 25 pounds ??? ....... I've come to a conclusion 'my baby my problem ' that way I don't rely on his dad or anyone els for that matter for my baby's things and lie never be let down but most of all my baby will never be let down because he doesn't have to be a spoilt brat to be loved an I will make sure my baby's priorities lay with me because I am the nice person who actually gives a dam about him lol x AKA switch off have a hot bath and forget about them there losers who don't care about our kids !!!

charlybear7 Sat 02-Jan-16 21:54:41

It gripes me massively how he has equal responsibility but doesn't contribute to basic human needs like food and clothes! I'm going down the csa route but in the mean time I don't know how he thinks his children are surviving?! He probably doesn't even think just like he didn't when he left us and clearly doesn't care. I honestly will never understand how utterly selfish he is towards these little people he brought into the world. You're right I should switch off and not waste my time thinking about the disgrace of a father he's become!......and breathe X

Louisjohnsmum Sat 02-Jan-16 22:01:42


kitkat2704 Sun 03-Jan-16 01:45:33

Ok, Some advice needed please, I am a father of 2 adorable but also hormonal teenagers Boy(14) girl(16). My daughter has some significant issues which I really don't want to go into. 4 Years ago mum moved out of the family home and the children decided to live with me. I have done my best as a parent for the last 4 years, I made some very early mistakes like talking about mum - (Yes I know Big Mistake and I have learnt from this) at the time I was angry and hurt and the kids told me off for it - I immediately stopped when they said something to me.

I was interacting with mum on a daily basis to try to involve her in the kids lifes - however she continually undermines me, If I punish the kids for doing something wrong, she will praise them, She tells them she wont back me up on anything because she doesn't agree with a word I say - She slags me off continually behind my back to the kids and although they have asked her to stop time and time again she continues.

I took the kids to and got involved with family councilling who suggested it would be a good idea for me and mum to have a private session together, however she refused to attend saying she was unable to talk to me.

it appears to be coming to a head this week as I made an application for the Child Benefit - which she has been claiming for the last 4 years and this has given her even more reason to slag me off to the kids.

She continually tells them I have done nothing for her or I am a bad parent, or I am controlling and manipulating the kids. Today my daughter broke down in tears and said that she wanted mum to stop slagging me off but no matter what she asks she wont do it, says that mum hates me and will never stop.

My daughter has told me also that mum is continually telling them to leave me because I am just manipulating them to hate her, My son is starting to fall for some of the rubbish she is pouring into them, but wants it to stop too.

Can someone help me with some advice please, Is there anyway I can get this to stop - My daughter wants to carry on seeing mum and has told her she will stop seeing her if it continues - But this has had no impact whatsoever.

BlackeyedShepherdsbringsheep Mon 04-Jan-16 10:08:49

I think maintenence would effect contact in that the rp may not be able to afford to pay to take the child to the nrp if nrp is not contributing. Some expect the rp to do all the running around and facilitate contact.

bloody ridiculous though that some think they are doing their bit with a few pounds per week. if the rp contributed the same amount there would be hell to pay with the authorities.

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