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Should I stay or should I go?

(2 Posts)
WanderlustSue Tue 22-Dec-15 13:27:15

Split up with ex a year ago. We have one DS aged 2.5. I look after him mostly but he sees his dad regularly - 2/3 times a week. We moved here for ex's job and my problem is I have never fully adjusted, miss our old city a lot and cannot find a job here in my field. We've been here nearly three years and in that time I have made maybe three good friends. I knew others but with the separation those friendships (mostly married couples with kids fizzled out). DS goes to nursery, has settled in really well, and we go to a lot of play/activity groups. I feel though like i'm not living life fully, just staying in a town because DS's dad is here. I am qualified in a specialised field but the industry doesnt really exist in this town or anywhere nearby. I have been trying for a year on & off to finding a related job without luck, it's very disheartening. Instead I have been freelancing which brings some money in but is pretty lonely - me at home all day or going to cafes. Ever since we moved I have missed our old town, old friends there and think often about moving back. If it wasn't for DS I would have moved back in a flash. My ex and I dont get on and I feel this would be a fresh start for me and DS, with a new job and hopefully a more fulfilling life. But as it would be such a big move (4 hours away) and everything that comes with a move being a single mum with a toddler, I start becoming overwelmed thinking about it all. DS also wouldn't see his dad as much which I would feel very guilty about & I'd worry about him settling into a new nursery etc. I'd also be looking after him myself much more and couldn't rely on ex popping round to pick up DS if I was ill, for example. I guess if I did move ex would see DS every other weekend? So my son would go from seeing his dad 2/3 times a week to once every other weekend. This makes me feel very selfish for wanting to move away. Then again, my ex might decide to move away in the future and I'd be left in this town. The thought of staying in this town is pretty depressing. Perhaps I'd feel differently if I had a good job here? I also worry I'm romantising old city as used to live there before baby whereas now I'd be there as a single mum having to rely on a babysitter if I wanted to go out. There's also an element of wanting to get away from my ex (he's very controlling) yet he may actually move closer to us if I did move.

Sorry this is so long-winded and a bit all over the place. I am so torn between doing the best thing for DS and doing the best thing for me. I think about this often and would like to know thoughts or if anyone has been in this situation. Thank you.

starry0ne Tue 22-Dec-15 13:44:00

I think take a long hard look at the alternatives..

A town is very different with Children...Do you have friends in old town? Do they have children?

I wouldn't worry about DS settling into nursery..They are very adaptable at that age...

I personally think doing it ( if you are going to) younger is far easier..

4 hours is a long way..You do need to be prepared to do your share of the driving..Is there an option in between rather than 4 hours away...What about family support...Are they nearby?

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