Getting depressed about christmas day(10 Posts)
Dysfunctional family who I haven't spoken to in years and ex and I split up earlier this year. We have agreed DS spends half the day with me, the other half with him. I kind of put this to the back of my mind and tried not to think about it. I've never spent the day alone and have that vision - a big traditional family day with lots of people. Anyway, just been to a party with lots of mummy friends with them all asking what I'm doing for christmas and I just said 'I'll be spending it just me and DS for half the day', got lots of silences then everyone telling me how they'll be spending their day with husbands, parents, in laws, extended families etc. Was half expecting an invite from somewhere but none came and just feeling really deflated and alone at the moment. Wanted to make christmas day exciting for the half I'm spending with DS at least but if I think about it just feeling really down like no-one gives two hoots. Anyone else in the same boat? Does this get better in time? Please be kind in your replies as feeling very fragile.
I have no real supportive family around...
I do Christmas day on our own with my DS ( though no ex contact) ..We do it our way..Do you have morning? make morning really special then chill out wine, chocs your TV..Bath candles...
The thing I love about it been my DS and I is we do it our own way...Some things are traditional we watch the queen speech some are our own, different puddings don't usually get dressed never mind best clothes..
You can leave all dishes till he goes then more time focused on him
You can make it special just do it your way
As for the others... Honestly not a time to talk to others..Read some of the christmas threads on here..Often not all as it seems..
I'm in a similar situation. I do panto on Christmas Eve. I sneak Santa letters for both my DSs in the tree for them to find. Then it's new pjs on and a christmas movie.
I then prep veg + do table while I'm waiting (impatiently) for them to go to sleep. Then I run up and down stairs doing deliveries.
Christmas morning is the usual mad house followed by a dinner prompt at 12 noon. By the time dinner has done the DCs may get a little more play while I clear up. I do this as quick as I can so that I finish by the tkme ex arrives.
When ex comes I pack DCs off, stick one of the dvds that "Santa" delivered to me that morming, crack open wine and chocs, and relaaax. By the time the DCs are back I'm completely chilled out.
That's my day anyway.
I have teens and they will be going to their dad's about 4.30, for the evening. I'm looking forward to the evening on my own.
We go to friends for lunch time drinks which is our highlight....we have no other family .
If you feel you really need company OP, do you have a good friend you can ask as to whether you can pop over for a couple of hours?
We have always spent Xmas Day on our own just me and ds I see no problem with it at all.
We will be spending ten days at home without any invites bar a couple of things on but I don't let it bother me.
I wouldn't wish to be stuck surrounded by a family anyway it sounds too clastrophobic to me far better to be at home deciding what we wish to eat and what we wish to drink. We can always go to the shops or cinema or a walk too to break it up.
That said I will probably be please when school opens again!
Given that at least 1 in 10 households in the UK spend Xmas alone I wouldn't let it bother you.
Christmas is the biggest bully going!
I'm not in your situation now but I grew up with just me and my mum! We had some great Christmas days. We made it ours!
We ate what we wanted, we watched crap on tv and played. Went for walks out and were usually in pjs by 4pm.
You have to do what you want to do, not what you think you should be doing! It's only one day. If you eat cheese on toast not turkey the world won't end.
If you really don't want to be on your own can you find somewhere to volunteer to help. The Salvation Army, age uk or local churches may be able to help you out.
I used to get invites from other families - but really - could there be anything worse than spending a whole day with someone else's relatives? no thanks!
The first few Christmases are difficult because you think you're competing with everyone else's perfect Christmas. Look at them - either stressed out about hosting, or stressed out about visiting. It's not really that perfect. You are completely free to do whatever you want.
We had some wonderful Christmases on our own. What I did do is host a "wine and nibbles" party between Christmas and New Year, with some mulled wine, mince pies, M&S snacks. Everyone brought stuff (without asking) so very little cost. Start at 4pm and people dropped in when they wanted. Usually just some tipsy friends left to finish off the booze around 8pm.
Thanks so much, you've all cheered me up.....until I bumped into my neighbour who told me her parents, uncles, aunties, nephews, nieces, cousins, grandparents etc are coming round then asked what I was doing . I think as most of my friends are married/in relationships everyone seems like they have loads of people around. I didn't get an invite so don't really want to ask people if I can pop over, don't want to feel like a complete loser! . Thanks for all of your replies though. You all sound like you're going to a have a lovely day and it's made me realise that I can make it nice and fun and there won't be all the famliy tensions or anyone round to ruin it and when DS goes (late afternoon) I'll have a bit of time to myself [chococlate]
Join the discussion
Please login first.