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Dds dad no show, again .

(10 Posts)
PeekABooPinky101 Thu 03-Dec-15 17:43:07

I apologise now, I know this is just a rant.

Dd is 2.5, her dad and I split when she was 9 months old, when I found out about the two other woman. He handed the notice in on the house we then rented with out discussing it and having told the landlord I was in agreement. First I knew about it was when they turned up to show some people around.

He has been rubbish with contact with dd. To start with I was very flexible and tried to encourage it as much as I could. He didn't want her on his own to start with. After weeks of him cancelling last minute I agreed once a week with him. On a day that suited him. That's been in place for a good year now.
He will still cancel last minute or swap nights or try and see her at other times. I've started saying no to the swaps as in 90% of cases it still doesn't happen.
Prime example her birthday this year. He saw her the day before, forgot her present and said he'd bring it up the next morning - I said ok but that we had to be out by 11 as had plans and could he let me know if he wouldn't make it. He never showed up. He never said anything either, when I asked the following week what happened he'd 'overslept'

Anyway, tonight is another no show. Nothing from him. Dd has been looking out the window and saying 'miss daddy again' I try my hardest not to mention his visits just in case they don't happen but nursery etc know Thursday is the agreed day and it was clearly mentioned today - and I shouldn't have to worry about it. It breaks my heart to know she has been let down. That he just doesn't care enough to be there for her.

I am so angry at him for not being there for his child. I'd like to rant at him but it's not worth it.

starry0ne Thu 03-Dec-15 20:46:57

I was in a very similar position...

I would ask the nursery specifically not to mention it...However my DS at that age was supposed to see his Dad once a fortnight for 2 hours.. somehow he always knew when it was an access day..

It is so difficult ... I did find it easier to support my DS once I stopped trying to encourage it. but it is still a mix of heartbreak and anger

PeekABooPinky101 Thu 03-Dec-15 21:23:11

They do just know don't they. It really is heartbreaking.
Just really got to tonight, feel disappointed for dd. It'll ease again tomorrow.... Until next time!

timelytess Thu 03-Dec-15 21:27:27

Can you do without him altogether? My dd had to see her dad all through (when he wasn't on holiday - which was always on her birthday - usually he turned up three weeks out of four, not always on time and he brought her home late) and was still low on Saturdays well into her mid 20s. If I could go back, I'd get her counselling along the way.

PeekABooPinky101 Thu 03-Dec-15 21:42:44

He does nothing except spare an hour or so to see her when he does show up - usually still attached to his phone.
If he just stopped altogether it would make it so much easier. I feel as dd gets older I could honestly say to dd that I tried my best and did what I could to try and make sure she had some sort of relationship with him. And would support her in what ever she wished to do about it when she gets older.

I'm just not sure he'll stop. He likes to be able to turn up every so often and tell everyone how much he does. His reality of very different to how things really are.

starry0ne Thu 03-Dec-15 22:03:29

I was adamant that I would do the same .. make sure I could say I had done everything..I would document his cancellations and reasons why.. I ended up stopping contact after my Ds was becoming damanged by it and other reasons.. I ended up in mediation..When I pulled a list of his cancellations with reasons why his face was a picture.. It was a very sad list though.

Cleansheetsandbedding Thu 03-Dec-15 22:11:00

Parents that do this are utter cunts.

My ex used to do this with dd1. She would be sat on the stairs with her swimming kit in her bag on her back. I tell you I fucking hated him then. It really messes with their heads and as they grow older rather than telling them to get lost they tend to covet visits even more. My dd1 will bend over backwards not to upset her 'dad' she is twenty. It's really sad sad

If you can afford it I'd go family courts. I wish I'd gone down the official route so his family were aware. Not that it would have made any difference I bet.

flowers for you and your little girl x

PeekABooPinky101 Fri 04-Dec-15 07:20:11

Thank you all. Such a shame so many of us have to watch our children go through this.

Luckily I have been keeping a diary - I will
Make sure it's up to date.

thanks and winefor us all

thequickbrownfox Fri 04-Dec-15 07:33:43

My dd's dad was exactly the same. She's 7 now and won't have seen him for two years come February. He's a disgraceful, selfish, deluded shit. She's a fantastic, bright little girl and I hope beyond hope his pissing around hasn't done her any damage.

PeekABooPinky101 Fri 04-Dec-15 07:58:52

I think we have to remember we are doing everything we can for our little ones (and those who are now older). We are giving them love, attention, energy, encouragement etc. It is us who get to see all the magical little things they do every single day. And we deserve that. We deserve all the happy, special memories that are being made.

The men who decide, for whatever their reasons may be, not to be involved in the lives of their children, don't deserve all those things that make our children themselves. They only get to see snippets. And I personally thing, what ever it may be they make it fit their stories anyway.

My ex lies so much I'm not he would know the truth if it hit him. And those around him will believe what says. I am under no illusion that I will be the evil ex who won't let him see his dd. That I make his life hell over it etc etc.

I hope beyond hope that as dd grows she can see I have always been polite, I have always tried and that sadly that didn't work. I hope he stops hurting her before she understands it.

But we are doing all we can. We must remember that. We all deserve a massive hug and to be reminded we are doing our best and that is what matters thanks

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