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Child Maintenance or not?

(5 Posts)
Noregrets78 Fri 20-Nov-15 10:21:13

Going round in circles on this one, and additional input would be appreciated!

Short version - divorced a few years, DD is 11. She doesn't see her Dad at all, her choice, he's emotionally abusive. I've not asked for any financial support, and now it's bugging me.

Financially it won't actually make that much difference. He's in and out of work, probably not earning that much. But it's the principle of the thing. Why should he be able to act like an arse, and then free himself from all responsibility?

He's declared he'd rather go to prison than sort this out, and I am scared of what he'll do in retaliation. But I've been determined not to let my fear rule me over the last few years.

I now have a suitable address to pass onto CMS, which will just wake the dragon again.

Is it worth it? Should I just give up? Half my friends and family think one way, half the other! Everyone has an opinion confused

starlight2007 Sat 21-Nov-15 11:07:03

To be honest i doubt I would.. for fear of it opening up the can of worms..My Ex hasn't worked and I didn't go till the CSA till he decided to take me to court for access..Not because I connected the 2 but simply I didn't want to open that can of worms..It sounds like you will not financially benefit..I have only ever got £5 a week however it means I still know he is alive.

Noregrets78 Sun 22-Nov-15 22:13:36

Thanks Starlight. I guess for me it's the principle - why should he be able to behave like an arse, and then walk away. We made a child together and he's legally responsible for supporting her as she grows up. It makes my blood boil. But I'm also far better off without him in our lives, so maybe I should just give up rather than risk him getting involved again.

CalypsoLilt Mon 23-Nov-15 08:28:33

I'm 28 weeks preg and not anticipating any contact from ex (even tho he wanted this baby); I think he's on some sort of life-long narcissistic sulk...anyway, the thought of 2 years in courts for the sake of a couple of hundred pounds a month just isn't worth it in my opinion.....maybe I'm just tarnished because I saw my parents go thru "war".

Hawest1 Mon 23-Nov-15 08:40:27

My situation is one dad pays & the other doesn't. Both dads denied the boys & both demanded DNA tests (don't even get me started!!!) so we did them, so my youngests dad now pays, I only get something like £12 a week as he's on low income but it definitely makes a little difference & since having that initial argument everything has been fine. He now sees his son quite regular with no arguements & if my son decides not to go one day for whatever reason, he obviously is hurt but that doesn't stop him coming back the next time to try again & doesn't stop paying the money either.
However my oldests dad still hasn't paid a penny, after demanding the DNA test he never actually bothered to do his side of it, so we r left in limbo with that, but as he isn't working & is apparently in college or something now he won't actually have to give me a penny until he gets a job, although after all that hassle I have decided to give up & tell him to bolt clean out of our lives all together, some people just aren't worth it, in a little while we will hopefully being going to court to remove his parental rights & change my sons name, as we no longer see why he should have his name if that side of the family can't be bothered to even pay to support him.

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