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Anyone any experience of how this plays out?

(13 Posts)
Namechangearooneyro Wed 18-Nov-15 10:38:23

Trying not to give too much detail as I don't want to out myself.

By both children's accounts there was a fairly horrible scene when they last went to their Dads which left both children tramatised and DD with a minor injury.

Social services have investigated.
Both children say the same thing however as I understand it dad has offered no explanation. Ss conclusion is yes there was an injury but we don't know how it happened, DS (8) with sn only wants indirect contact, DD(9) wants indirect for the time being. They don't "have an ongoing role".

Which leaves me to sort.

Exh doesn't want to Skype or telephone as his children/DC half siblings miss them and would get upset.

So far he has turned down mediation (which frankly is a relief to me as he put me through horrendous emotional and mental abuse)

Anyone any experience of how this might play out either if it does end up in court or doesn't. DD is suffering at school at the moment panic attacks at night. Got counselling in place for next week.

ThisFenceIsComfy Wed 18-Nov-15 16:45:41

No advice for you OP sorry. Sounds a really tough situation. So I'm just bumping for you in the hope this doesn't go unanswered flowers

Namechangearooneyro Wed 18-Nov-15 17:45:59

Thank you it is.

JellyTotBean Wed 18-Nov-15 18:01:23

As far as I know it's now mandatory to have mediation before going to court except in cases of DV. So the fact that you've offered it and he's turned it down works in your favour. If he wants to progress it to a judge he's going to have to try and mediate.

Lonecatwithkitten Thu 19-Nov-15 11:47:23

So in my case there was verbal abuse that resulted in indirect contact. I went to the first mediation session ExH never attended. He bombarded me with quite frankly vile text and email messages. He never took it to court as he knew he was wrong and couldn't face other people telling him so ( hence no attending mediation even when I offered to pay).
Nearly two years down the line contact has increased to unsupervised overnight again, but that took nearly a year to get to.

Jux Thu 19-Nov-15 16:43:04

Do you mean SS say the children should have indirect contact, or are they saying that they're happy for the children to have direct contact?

If the former you have nothing to sort.

How old are the children?

Jux Thu 19-Nov-15 16:43:33

Sorry, you've said their ages. blush

Namechangearooneyro Thu 19-Nov-15 20:13:29

Neither Jux.

Before they spoke to ex it was indirect contact only. Now they are sitting firmly on the fence, other than to ascertain that neither child wants direct contact at the moment

Namechangearooneyro Thu 19-Nov-15 20:15:22

Lone cat thanks for the experience. Interesting the time frame as well. Did yours never make it to court? Was the time frame based on what your DC wanted?

Jux Thu 19-Nov-15 22:57:15

I'm not a legal bod or even a lone parent, but if they were having indirect contact before this incident, then isn't trauma and minor injury a sufficient reason to go back to it? I would have thought so, particularly if direct contact hasn't been happening for long.

Lonecatwithkitten Thu 19-Nov-15 23:06:20

He quite frankly knew he was wrong, but refused to admit it. I was lucky I had a host of professionals who were prepared to stand up in court and he knew he would be proved wrong.
Contact was partly by what DC and partly as advised by my solicitor.

starlight2007 Sat 21-Nov-15 11:21:27

It sounds like nothing more for you to do right now..You have offered indirect contact..Offered mediation...You need to leave the ball in his court...

My Ex went to mediation and didn't like what was said ( different situation) he didn't like that mediator wasn't sucked in by his crap.. I walked out in the end in tears. He went to court and thought I would back down..I didn't so he withdrew from court

Namechangearooneyro Sat 21-Nov-15 12:19:13

No he was having direct contact. Lost his temper with DS and injured DD in the process. Still as I understand it doesn't believe he has done anything wrong.

Thank you guys you are absolutely right nothing to do right now. I just always feel in the wrong.

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