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Feeling like he's better off without me

(8 Posts)
Appleicecream Mon 16-Nov-15 05:36:59

I feel like the worst mother... I have been thinkimg when is it actually more loving to let someone else take care of my 3 yr old? I have never hit or smacked him but my patience just dissolves recently. Yesterday he had a tantrum because be wanted to stay at my friends house not come home with me and we were going to miss our train so I forced his socks on etc with no sympathy really and ended up shouting "I don't have time for this!" I feel like lately he's happier when he's away from me, at nursery etc and he loves the attention of adults other than myself.

Homely1 Mon 16-Nov-15 06:49:53

Hun hang in there, you are doing a great job xxx

FishWithABicycle Mon 16-Nov-15 06:55:56

You are doing fine. You sound like you might possibly be depressed though is that something that's been an issue for you?

It's normal for a 3yo to be worse behaved and tantrummy with their primary carer and to seem better behaved around other adults - it's because he feels secure in your love and needs you to set the boundaries of acceptable behaviour. With other grownups he is less sure where he stands so is playing it safe (all this is completely subconscious he doesn't realise he is doing this)

No he would not be happier without you. He needs you and your unconditional love like he needs oxygen. He also needs your sanity so it's OK to arrange some childcare and give yourself some time off if that's what you need. He also needs clear and consistent messages about what behaviour is unacceptable, firm and age-appropriate consequences when he misbehaves and opportunities to express his frustrations and other emotions without tantrumming.

You are going to be OK.

sparklesnpearls Tue 08-Dec-15 17:59:31

I know how you feel OP I'm in same boat with my almost 3 DS. I smacked his hands the other day as he wouldn't sit in his car seat. Felt so guilty that I lost it with him sad

MotiSen Sun 13-Dec-15 03:37:26

Concur with FishWithABicycle. If you are even wondering whether he'd be better off with someone else, you want to best for him, which shows how much you really love him, and that love is going to be very important in his life.

Ann07 Wed 23-Dec-15 13:16:46

Feel like this all the time
My daughter has had 2 massive tantrums
Lately each time ive been met with comments by stangers. Even one saying is she hurt ? I was mortified
The tuts and the comments have made me feel like ive failed xx

Claraoswald36 Fri 25-Dec-15 21:07:49

I'm signing in to say my 3 year old is like this too. She is dd2. If I didn't have dd1 (about one tantrum a year and very easy) I might have sold dd2 by now she is a menace!! And also better for other people though I have noticed she will risk a tantrum in front of dp now.
Dd2 has trashed my patience and I feel guilty all the time that dd1 never gets any attention.
Hugs xxx

BlackeyedShepherdsbringsheep Sat 26-Dec-15 10:49:51

tip for the rigid carseat avoiders. get straps ready... one hand across their pelvis. tickle. tickle tickle. when they collapse use the hand across the pelvis to hold them down while you fasten the straps.

terrible twos, threenagers and fearsome fours...

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