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My childs dad is interfering at his school

(22 Posts)
Cosima12 Sun 15-Nov-15 00:57:55

Since my child has attended school the father has never had any interest in my childs education and caused my child a lot of distress with learning. Just recently he has started attending my childs school for parent/teacher days and requesting information. How can I stop this?

Icantstopeatinglol Sun 15-Nov-15 01:00:33

What's the background cosima? Does he see his child regular?

SuburbanRhonda Sun 15-Nov-15 01:01:38

If he has PR and there is no court order in place you can't stop it. What exactly is it about your child's father being interested in their education that you object to?

starlight2007 Sun 15-Nov-15 10:34:32

I agree if he has Pr nothing you can do? why is his attendence causing your child distress?

Marilynsbigsister Sun 15-Nov-15 10:39:35

You can't. ! It's a PARENT /teacher day. Clues in the title. He is a parent.

PrettyBrightFireflies Sun 15-Nov-15 10:39:42

Schools are directed by the DfE to ensure that all parents are included in their DCs education - if there are good reasons to prevent it, then you might need to apply to court for a specific issue order.
If it's a clear cut case, then you can probably self-rep to save costs.

SuburbanRhonda Sun 15-Nov-15 12:30:15

OP, if this is a genuine post, you need to provide more information. In what way did your child's father cause him "a lot of distress with his learning"? What does that even mean?

Cosima12 Sun 15-Nov-15 15:00:15

When me and my childs dad were together he used to put him down a lot telling him he was stupid etc this had a severe negative impact on my child who felt he was unable to achieve anything and used to get very distressed and had a high level of anxiety. My child was put through a few months of therapy recommended by the school to assess the problem caused by his dad. The father has NEVER attended ANY school activities or parent days since my child has attended school so i am suspicious as to why he would want to now and worry if my child doesnt meet his fathers standard he will put him down again and my childs learning will once again suffer.

Marilynsbigsister Sun 15-Nov-15 15:48:59

How old is your child OP ? Are we talking primary or secondary (assuming you are in UK) or equivalent . Does your child's father see his child ? What type of therapy did the school recommend and what form dis it take ? How long ago was this ? I know it's a lot of questions but without more background it's extremely difficult to tell if you are being very pfb with your son and keeping his father in the dark re his education. Or entirely reasonable and protecting him from a complete knobhead... More info please..

Cosima12 Sun 15-Nov-15 16:45:05

My child is of primary school age and yes, after a series mediation meetings my child does now visits he dad although it was a long painful process to get my child to go. The therapy was a one to one assessment recommended by the school and took place during school hours as they noticed a significant decrease in my child's learning ability and social skills. Also my chids carer had the same issues. I caught the dad telling my child he was f**king stupid and wouldn't amount to anything as well as the aggressive shouting for getting things wrong. This was mimicked in my child who used to hit himself and become very emotional at school or during homework sessions with the carer. So I am extremely worried that if the father receives information that his child does not meet his level of learning standard the emotional abuse may start again and all the hard work the school and myself has put in to my child's education may be in vain

PrettyBrightFireflies Sun 15-Nov-15 16:52:05

It sounds as if it would be quite simple to get a specfic issue order to prevent your Ex from having information provided by the school from what you've said, OP.

You have evidence from the school, therapist and carer thst your ex has emotionally abused your DC.

As your DC is an older primary child (I'm assuming the top end of primary as they were able to influence whether or not they had contact with their dad), CAFCASS will speak to them, and the court will take their wishes into account as to whether or not their dad is provided with info by the school. It won't be long before they can decide for themselves whether to maintain a relationship with their dad, either.

Cosima12 Sun 15-Nov-15 17:03:59

Thank you for your input PrettyBrightFireflies. I just wondered if you had any idea how I would go about obtaining an issue order. Up until now my child's father has shown no interest or attended the school for any information or events the entire time my child has been attending school so it has never been a problem. Which is why I am suspicious of his behaviour and although the school are able to prevent him from contacting or collecting my child they cannot stop him from requesting information or visiting the school which is worrying.

PrettyBrightFireflies Sun 15-Nov-15 17:48:25

although the school are able to prevent him from contacting or collecting my child they cannot stop him from requesting information or visiting the school which is worrying

If he has PR, then the school will not be able to prevent him collecting your DC unless there is a court order - although they may try to delay him leaving in order to give you time to get there.

You need to complete a C100 form and submit to the court along with the fee - the form must be signed by a mediator to say that you have attended a MIAM (Mediation Initial Assessment Meeting) - which you will have done if you have already had mediation with your ex.

SuburbanRhonda Sun 15-Nov-15 17:55:16

That's quite a drip-feed, OP!

If your concerns are around what your DS's father says to him, but he doesn't have contact, surely your DS won't ever know what his father's views are?

Cosima12 Sun 15-Nov-15 18:14:37

He does have contact with my child SuburbanRhonda twice a month as i mentioned in one of my previous posts. So yes I am worried. I've already heard from my child that his father is telling him the way the school teach the alphabet these days through a phonics based system is wrong. I don't want my child to get confused again. I know I probably sound over cautious or paranoid but watching my child reverting into himself or having frequent emotional outbursts was heartbreaking and it's taken a long time to get him back on track.

Thank you again PrettyBrightFireflies this is something I will defo look into just in case action is needed to be taken to prevent a reoccurring incident.

Marilynsbigsister Sun 15-Nov-15 19:44:08

I have always thought that it's really important for children to have a full and complete relationship with both parents involved in all aspects of their lives equally. However this case as you have explained it would not seem suitable for that kind of input from the father . I think you should apply for a specific steps order (form c100 I think) and £215 . You need to write down the 'specific' thing you want the court to consider. i.e no school reports or educational discussions to be had by the father with the school besides annual written school report.
can I just ask, is the father from a non English background particularly a culture where educational attainment is 'everything' ? and barking mad parents practice 'tough love' to the point of completely alienating their children or is he simply a home grown lunatic ?

This is all very tough now but bear in mind that a court will not force a child to see its non resident parent once they get past the age of 12, but he will have to tell the court that himself through CAFCASS. Let's hope his dad realises that and backs off.

SuburbanRhonda Sun 15-Nov-15 20:42:54

Sorry, OP, I can see now that you say he visits his dad. Tbh, if it's only twice a month the input you and the school have is going to have a far greater impact on your DS's self-esteem than twice-monthly contact, but I can see why you would be worried.

As well as the prohibited steps order, could you also ask the school if they have any intervention groups for self-esteem that your DS could be part of? If he continues to see his dad for the foreseeable future, building up his belief in himself could go a long way to counter any negativity.

Cosima12 Mon 16-Nov-15 02:33:14

Thanx for all your feedback its all very helpful. The school have told me to wait a little while and not focus on the negative as there may be a chance the dad does have an actual interest but I cant seem to see it as for the past few years the father/son relationship has been awful and got worse the older my child got. It was the main reason we broke up. I stayed with the father for the sake of my son having a 2 parent family home. Like you said Marilynbigsister I also felt it was important to have a equal parent background for my child. But their relationship got increasingly worse and my child became distressed if I left him with his dad. Eventually I knew I was staying for the wrong reasons.

No he is not from a different background he is a white british male. I think just some people are not cut out to be parents and he turned out to be one of them.

LeaveMyWingsBehindMe Mon 16-Nov-15 03:53:38

To be honest Im not sure what difference it will make hm going to parent teacher appts and having access to reports etc. the teachers won't change their opinion of anything because of what he thinks and they might even put him straight on a few things.

It sounds to me more like the issue is how he behaves when he is around your son. I think you are worrying about the wrong thing.

Cosima12 Mon 16-Nov-15 14:38:48

Youre probably right but my thinking is if I can prevent the school from disclosing the information or stop him from going to these meetings ath school he wont have any insight into my childs learning ability which will never meet with his high standards that way he cant take his dissapointment out on my child which reflects badly upon my child.

Bellemere Mon 16-Nov-15 15:56:49

Has there not been any involvement with Children's Services? If the school are aware that his father is emotionally abusive, I would expect some kind of assessment as it sounds like your son may not be emotionally safe around him.

Even if he doesn't get the records, he will still have contact with your son and it sounds like he will use that to put your son down.

cestlavielife Wed 18-Nov-15 13:03:56

the dad going to school and speaking to teachers may be a good thing as they can show how they are helping the child emphasise how well he is doing etc. i dont think getting reports etc from school is the issue here.
it's what happens during the contact time, which has little to do with school reports.

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