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Leaving my partner while pregnant

(2 Posts)
Red237 Wed 11-Nov-15 20:48:15

Hi, I'm looking for some advice/opinions. My partner and I have a 2.5 year old and I'm currently 9 weeks pregnant. My partner is quite a volatile person and is verbally abusive, he has gotten worse and worse in the four years we have been together and often tells me that I'm lazy/ I don't support him/ calls me names and swears at me. We both work and I do the majority of the parenting and the house stuff so feel incredibly angry when he says things about me being lazy as they just aren't true. We have recently been to a relationship counsellor who after the first session asked my partner to come back for counselling on his own as she felt he had lots to work through before we could start to work on ourselves as a couple. If I where to leave I would have to live with my dad till I got back on my feet, I could support myself financially although things would be very tight. I would never cut my partner out my children's lives and would work to try and remain civil so they didn't suffer. I just feel so horrible taking my son away from his home and his dad but I know it's not right to stay and let my son think it's normal to treat women like this. What kind of a role model is that presenting him with! I just wish I could look a year down the line and see that I could cope and I wasn't making an awful decision that would rip my son apart. Plus the thought of being a single mum with a three year old and a newborn scares the lift out of me. I'm just looking for some help and advice as I feel incredibly stuck and like a victim which is not me and I'm so angry that I'm even considering staying. I wonder if I should stay while my partner attends his counselling to try and give it our best? Or just get out now and at least get somewhere stable before the new baby comes. Thanks x

GeorgiaT2468 Tue 24-Nov-15 20:22:49

You are quite right for the reasoning that you don't want your child to learn from him and treat women that way. Fantastic.

I personally think clearly he may need some guidance and professional support to help him with his issues.

His behaviour is unacceptable I agree and you do not need to be feeling this way at all but especially when pregnant.

You do have a dilemma but honestly I'd try and suggest that he gets some help and support for himself, still be there for him and stay at your dads for a while whilst he's having this treatment.

Or better yet maintain as much normality for your children ect and ask him to leave the family home for a while whilst he gets some support from therapy. Some time away may do you both some good and maybe if you wrote down in a letter your feelings and reasons for wanting to do this and allow him to read it and think about the letter whilst he's at home and your at a friends or your dads for the night.

This would help avoid verbal communication getting out of control and arguments that will cause distress or further angered issues. He can read it, digest it and calm down from it if he's angered about it whilst your not there.

During his therapy he will battle many emotions, sadness, anger, remorse, frustration, confusion and resentment.

You may get the brunt of it if your right there at home when he gets in from work ect. It's a long process but you still have time to chance these things before baby is born. Your child is still young and will adjust to his surroundings that you create for him during this time.

He's the father to your children, I'm assuming you love him and wish to remain together ect so I think it's worth a shot definitely. We all have flaws and say/do things we don't mean and impulses we can't control.

He's clearly struggling but needs to get a grip with the fact he cannot treat you this way. It's not healthy for anyone in the home.

This is what I would try on the basis of the info in your post. Others may think differently but there are some great people on here who will share advice or experiences with you. Give them a read and see how you feel.

Value all opinions because they are individual and may come from a personal experience.

Ultimately you need to do what feels right in your gut and I'm sure you will ensure your child is not subject to any domestics in your home.

Good luck sweetheart.

If all doesn't go to plan, time is a great healer and no doubt at all you will adjust as a single parent and be a fantastic mum to your children.

Xx

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