fed up with being so alone

[Shoegal0305]

I've posted a few times on this subject. Tonight I feel the loneliness is at an all time high. I don't mean I'm lonely and desperate for a partner I'm actually happy on my own tho if someone suitable came along id obviously be interested. I have no family support, all my friends are either married or do have lots of family support. My DS is now 13 I get terrible health anxiety about him. He has asthma and tho it's well controlled most of the time the minute he starts coughing, like he's doing tonight, I go into meltdown. I think it stems from frequent hospital visits when he was younger, all on my own, it was hard going.

Just feel so alone.

[Hereisnownotthen]

I'm so sorry you feel like this. I have no family support, but I do have a partner, and I still find it tough. I think you have done a fantastic job to manage all these years by yourself and it's okay to find it hard going.
I wish I had something more useful or helpful to say.
Be kind to yourself, OP

[Shoegal0305]

Hereisnow Thankyou I'm sat in the bath crying. I'll be ok I think I need to let it all out occasionally. I feel so overwhelmed. EVERYTHING sis down to me and me alone. I get angry (I know that's probably the wrong emotion but can't help it!) when I hear people commenting about how they leave various things to their husbands, be it driving, financial stuff, chopping wood () or whatever. I think to myself absolutely everything is up to me! The responsibility gets too much sometimes I wish I had someone here to just say 'sit down love I'll make you a cup of tea everything will be ok'. I've struggled on my own for 10 years. No help. My ex sporadically sees his son but I can't rely on him plus he lives 60 miles away. I can remember when DS was younger, if I finished work late (occupational hazard in my job..... Emergency services) I'd be ringing friend A to drop DS off at friend B then friend B could only have him till such a time so I'd be thatching for friend C! It's easier now as he sees himself too and from school. He had diahorea last Monday I had to miss a days work, then got sent home from school Thursday after being sick so another day missed at work. It's stress on top of stress! Work are ok up to a point but what choice do I have! I can't leave him home alone when he's poorly. His dad swans in and out, him and the woman he left us for both work full time and have luxury hols, nice car, nice house etc! I KNOW it's not everything and I know how much his dad has missed (smug grin!) but when I'm feeling low like now but really pisses me off! Sorry to rant but I look at MN as the support I don't have I real life xx

[Hereisnownotthen]

God, I'd be furious with you ex if I were you. Just reading that made me angry. What a git.
I don't know how to do the little picture icons people send, but here is a virtual tea and cake for you. And flowers.
If your son is 13 could he help you out around the house? He could help with cleaning, cooking and such like. He could bring you tea and cake : ) it would be useful for him too. I left home not knowing how to do anything, couldn't cook, no idea how to change a lightbulb, didn't even realise bed sheets needed washed, let alone how to make a bed. I was hopeless! So learning this skills at home is a good thing I think. And it would help you too.

[Shoegal0305]

Thankyou I just feel overwhelmed sometimes. I've had anxiety issues since my dad died suddenly 21 year ago. Everyone I've ever cared for has died or left or done me wrong it's hard to try's now. My DS is great he does help but he's only 13 he obviously doesn't see the world thru adults eyes. I wish I had some support I battle day to day with everything.

[Hereisnownotthen]

I am so sorry things have been so hard for you. It is not fair that life is like that. At least you have ds, he is someone you care for who is with you. Is there a friend you could ask to help even occasionally, or could you even ask your lazy ass ex to look after ds more regularly so you can get a break and do something for you. Maybe something that could help with anxiety, like yoga or meditation or some sort of relaxation class if that is your thing.

[Shoegal0305]

I'm thankful every day I have my son. No my ex won't have him anymore than what he wants and I've battled 10 years fighting him so I don't bother now!! Plus I work unsocial hours and have to do those when my DS is away.

[Hereisnownotthen]

That's so tough. Your ex is an arse. Only a total git thinks your own kid is someone you can pick up and put down when you feel like it.
I hope something happens to make life a little easier for you. I really do.
I really admire you for having got this far.

[sandgrown]

If you work odd hours do you have time when DS at school to do some activities just for you like yoga or something ? Even a couple of hours out relaxing and a bit of adult conversation can help break the monotonous routine. I have been a single parent and know how lonely it can be particularly finding emergency childcare. Your DS is getting to an age when it should get a bit easier and you can reclaim some time for you. You are doing a great job x

[Shoegal0305]

Yes he's a complete twat but DS thinks the sun shines out his arse . Hey ho. As I say I spent years trying to get him to have him more even went to a solicitor once to try and get him to have DS at regular times, ie every other weekend. His response was 'I work shifts too' I responded with he has a wife, mum, dad, sister all local to help, I have nobody. He said it wasn't his wife's responsibility!! So I've resigned myself to just accepting that's how it is I could tie myself up in knots and it won't change anything! Xx