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Change of routine terrifies me!

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Robotgirl Fri 06-Nov-15 13:34:50

Hi all
Hoping to hear of similar experiences & to get some advice from you.
Broke up with exP (who was never very helpful or at home much when we were together) when my daughter was 17 months. She's now 3. I have a dog, I work 25 hrs PW in a challenging role with vulnerable adults. I have a good bunch of friends. I'm busy. I have routines. I am happy & I think lucky.
I rarely have time to myself but if I do I go running or see friends. I find it difficult to just 'be'.
My exP has DD very rarely overnight so I rarely go away without DD or stay elsewhere.
I have been with my boyfriend since Feb. We split up briefly (I broke up with him because of my fear of abandonment-I had counselling & this is the reason I end all relationships with men) - anyway... We are back on. It feels good. We spend lots of time at mine & that's cool.
Last night I stayed at his. DD was at her dad's. My dog stayed elsewhere. It was my first lie in for 11 weeks....
Initially I was excited about staying at his (first time since July & no responsibilities) but this morning I started to panic, felt sick & burst into tears. I felt so 'out of control' without DD & dog & familiarity.
Lie in, him cooking breakfast, me with nothing to do-should have been enjoying it but I suddenly was so desperate to be at home in my 'role' and busy doing stuff. BF was very supportive when I tried to explain how I felt but now I'm terrified this will happen again next time. Is it possible to be SO entrenched in my home life & routines that I can't handle change? It's been three years of pretty much always getting up, me & DD taking the dog out, rushing around, getting her to childcare, getting me to work etc etc - felt like I was having some kind of panic attack this morning, but don't want to not be able to stay with BF or to go away with him....

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