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Very lonely single mum..help/advice please

(7 Posts)
surprisearrival Sat 31-Oct-15 21:46:59

So I have been alone with my dd since she was born 4.5 years ago, unexpectedly, and I had split with her father months before. He's had no contact. I live in a studio attached to my family who have my dd when I work eves (but they aren't happy about it). I haven't had a night out with friends in nearly two years, I never get time to go out and meet people, even new friends let alone a man. My best friends live in NZ and Jersey and I am in regular contact with them (everyday at least) but I'm so lonely! I feel I'm never going to have a family, my dd is perfect and amazing but we have to abide by my parents rules whilst we rent attached to them. I just want her to have a daddy and siblings, but how do I find someone when I never get any free time?! I've tried online dating, but don't have time to meet up!

Joopy Sat 31-Oct-15 21:53:29

Where are you op?
How about arranging playdates so you meet other mums? Or an evening course? Do you ever go out with your colleagues? Is there someone else who could baby sit if your family isn't willing?

surprisearrival Sat 31-Oct-15 22:00:18

I'm in Cornwall, my colleagues go out together but I use up my babysitting time when I work (they say I shouldn't need anyone other than dd and I'm selfish for thinking I want more), I can't pay a babysitter as they'd rent comfortable with so,done being in our home, and again I get the "when I was your age" ...stuff to make me feel bad I am struggling! I work 40+ hours a week whilst my dd is at school or asleep. I'm just so blooming lonely it's getting me down!

Lonecatwithkitten Sun 01-Nov-15 08:13:34

Would you be entitled to HB and Tax credits to help towards childcare if you moved somewhere else? Even if you were fractional worse off it could be worth it to improve your quality of life.
Whilst family should only as much childcare as they are comfortable with they are controlling you by not allowing anyone else to babysit for you. It would seem that moving is the best option to change this.
Yes you are entitled to some time just for you, I go and sing in a choir once a week, but if you just want to go out with friends that is fine.

Allgunsblazing Sun 01-Nov-15 08:30:49

OP, i think you need to tell your parents you're an adult, it seems they haven't quite got it.
Yes, families help each other and yes, they are doing a lot for you, but it doesn't mean they can treat you as if you were 5.
So, I would put that on the table, if they want respect, they need to show respect. At the moment it is not what they're showing.

Try and look with fresh eyes at your situation. Perhaps working nights etc was very suitable when your DD was younger. I know it is very easy to say and almost impossible to do, but could you look into changing careers?

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Sun 01-Nov-15 08:35:01

Have you ever just arranged a babysitter? Like you would if you didnt live there? It might just be a jolt they need?

blueistheonlycolourwefeel Sun 01-Nov-15 08:41:03

Your parents have no right to tell you what you need! If you want friends, that's ok. smile

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