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New partners

(10 Posts)
mytimewillcome Sat 24-Oct-15 20:44:15

Hi, we've been separated for almost 2 years. I kicked him out because of various reasons including taking drugs. He now has a new partner. I haven't been told about her but I found out by snooping on Facebook. The children have now met her twice. What is the normal 'etiquette' with exes and new partners. I feel I should know more about her as she is spending time with my children. Or he should at least let me know that he has introduced her to the children. Or am I being unreasonable about this and just let them get on with it? It looks like they have been seeing each other for a year. The children are 5 and 3 and she has been introduced as a 'friend'. Thanks.

QuiteLikely5 Sat 24-Oct-15 20:50:24

I think it's fine. Together for a year and only introduced twice seems quite sensible.

What do you want to know about her? Unless she's an axe murderer you need know nothing imo

Bellemere Sat 24-Oct-15 22:12:15

I kind of get that argument but I don't know anything about my children's teachers or activity leaders. Essentially, as my child's father, I have to trust my ex's judgement.

mytimewillcome Sat 24-Oct-15 22:59:32

But is it the same thing as not knowing their teachers? I suppose with teachers you at least know their name and you've been introduced. Should it be a courtesy to tell you that your children now have someone else in their lives? A couple of people have said to me that they see it as disrespectful to me not to be told.

Bellemere Sun 25-Oct-15 09:37:13

I don't suppose their is a right answer to that. Some may see it as disrespectful whereas others would see it as unnecessary. I'd let it go, it sounds like they are being sensible about the introduction.

Inneedofadvice553 Sun 25-Oct-15 09:41:00

mytimewillcome it is nothing like a teacher at all! teachers have been crb checked and have a degree in looking after children, !

SouthAmericanCuisine Sun 25-Oct-15 16:42:39

it is nothing like a teacher at all! teachers have been crb checked and have a degree in looking after children

If the OP has reason to suspect that her ex's partner is a risk to DCs she can apply to the police for them to carry out a check under "Sarah's Law".

As for the degree in looking after DCs - I don't have one of those, despite being a mum - it seems a high expectation of someone who has met the DCs twice!

mytimewillcome Sun 25-Oct-15 16:49:35

No I don't have any reason to suspect anything of her simply because I have never met her so can't even formulate any sort of opinion. He hasn't even told me that he is probably moving! I can't help feeling very protective over the children. Anyway I'm not going to say anything. I don't particularly want to meet her!

SouthAmericanCuisine Sun 25-Oct-15 17:06:30

It's hard when you have to trust someone you don't particularly like. But, if you trust him to care for the DCs, then that includes trusting him when he introduces them to new people.

I found it helped to consider my ex's partner in the same way as i did when my DSis was looking after my DD and introduced her boyfriend to them. She trusted him, and I trusted her with DD, so I trusted her judgement. Same with ex - I trust him to keep our DD safe, so trust his judgement.

Bellemere Sun 25-Oct-15 23:36:23

Or perhaps like a male friend of your ex - would you be so bothered if your ex had taken 'John' with him when he'd taken your children to the farm or the cinema? Probably not.

It's hard, heartbreaking even, but the bottom line is that it's his business now (even when it involves your children).

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