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Fiance left me an 8 week old dd

(16 Posts)
Caipoja Mon 19-Oct-15 17:04:04

So my fiance walked out on us today, we live in a rented house and he paid the rent and bills, I paid for weekly food shops and dd's nappies, clothes and other expenses. I am a student on maternity leave and the income I receive doesn't even cover the rent. I feel really bad for dd i want the best for her and i wanted her to have a happy family life, and i worry how i can provide for her now sad. I really need some advice on where I go from here? How do lone parents manage financially?

BaronessEllaSaturday Mon 19-Oct-15 17:13:00

When you say you are a student on maternity leave what exactly do you mean? What money do you have coming in. A non working lone parent would be able to claim Income Support, child tax credits, housing benefit and council tax relief. Without knowing your situation though I wouldn't be able to advise. Oh and you need to ensure he pays maintenance for your dd.

Lurkedforever1 Mon 19-Oct-15 17:28:26

Get to the citizens advice bureau asap. Unlike the benefits office they will give you accurate advice of anything you will get. Ring the local housing benefit in the morning, or apply on line. That's done on income, same for council tax help. Even though you don't know what you're income actually is, you can put on the amounts you know about with a note saying you're applying as your partner has left and you don't know what, if any, benefits and maintenance you'll get, and you'll update them when you do. There's normally a wait on it anyway, so better to get the application in and then amend it, than wait till you have the numbers.

If you are receiving maternity pay above income support levels you are unlikely to get anything on top for you. But if you aren't already you should get the full child tax credit amount too. And of course speak to your partner about his contribution.

growflowers Mon 19-Oct-15 17:28:53

Im a student nurse and receive a bursary of £450 a month, i have never claimed benefits so have no idea what i could claim. I dont know how i go about making sure he pays maintenance. This is all so sudden and im still in shock

growflowers Mon 19-Oct-15 17:30:18

ive changed my username by the way i thought it would just automatically change in the threads i had written in. sorry to confuse everyone

LIZS Mon 19-Oct-15 17:35:23

You can make an appointment at CAB to discuss the benefits application process and maintenance. *Entitled*^^ *to*^^ website should give you an idea of benefits.^^

redannie118 Mon 19-Oct-15 17:56:49

Hello growflowers im a case worker for child maintenance group 2012 scheme. You can ring him yourself and ask him to make payment,thats a family based arrangement you dont need a lawyer or anything ana all the info you need is on the child maintenance options website. If you dont want to do that you can give us a ring and we will open a claim for you. Theres a one off 20 pound application fee then we handle the rest. We go straight to hmrc to find out what he should pay then you both get that in writing and he makes payments direct into a bank account of your choice. If he misses payments we chase it up and it normally takes about 6 weeks from date of claim to first payment. Any maintenance you receive does not count as income for any benefits as its a non taxable amount so you really have nothing to lose ! Happy to answer any questions you may have

Notgrumpyjustquiet Mon 19-Oct-15 18:06:55

Well doesn't he sound like an absolute peach! Agree you should make the CAB your first stop. Good luck flowers

BaronessEllaSaturday Mon 19-Oct-15 18:13:37

Get in touch with student welfare at your university, they should be able to advise you of what help and support is available and to help with the claims. There should be some help available through student finance and there should also be some help through your university. Get on the phone to tax credits to claim child tax credits. Most students are unable to claim housing benefit however being a lone parent is one of the exceptions so contact the council to claim that and also to get the single adult discount on the council tax and your student exemption. Good luck getting it all sorted, it is not what you need with an 8 week old but you will soon get everything in place.

growflowers Mon 19-Oct-15 19:36:39

Thanks for alll the advice everyone. Im bf dd and can't hold back the tears and she keeps stopping and looking and its breaking my heart, she has been very unsettled since he left and im trying to keep her routine for her, it's so hard to be happy for her because im so upset inside sad

Lurkedforever1 Mon 19-Oct-15 20:29:33

Shit as it is you are already demonstrating just how strong you are. He walked out today, and you'd be more than entitled to sit and wallow for a few days. Instead you are managing to keep your head enough to think about the practical side. Which says a hell of a lot about just how well you're going to manage. Coping well as a newly single mum isn't about having a stiff upper lip, it's about being in bits but still doing what needs doing. Which is exactly what you are doing.

It sucks, I know. Not just the end of a long term relationship, but coming to terms with all the practical and emotional impact of becoming a single mum when you've just got your head round being a mum as part of a couple. But you know what? It's far better for you and your baby that you've found out he's a tosser early on and you can get on with your life, instead of finding out 3, 5, 10 years down the line. Might not feel like it now, but with hindsight I'm so glad I didn't waste any more of my life with Dds father.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Mon 19-Oct-15 20:38:50

You can apply for income support firstly, online I think. Not sure if you will get it as you have a bursary, o think not.
You can apply for housing benefit immediately too, also online. You should definitely get that - not sure how much, depends on your LHA rate etc.
You also need to call tax credits and if you don't already have a claim ask them for a claim form - and if you have a live claim tell them you are now a lone parent and give new income details.

growflowers Mon 19-Oct-15 22:28:12

Lurkedforever1 thankyou, it may seem like that but i dont think i can manage, even if i am able to financially with help from benefits, emotionally i cant cope

How can people just walk away from their families so easily. Im struggling to keep it together for dd i feel like a failure. Whilst my ex will be able to swan in and out of her life when it suits because i want dd to know her dad. Im sat with dd distraught whilst hes happily tweeting away on twitter. I was so desperately looking forward to having a baby but not without the support of my dp. I woke up so happy this morning, now my life has just been turned upside down and i dont feel strong enough on my own

Lurkedforever1 Mon 19-Oct-15 22:56:35

It might not feel like it now but you will cope, because you have done today. You've had all this dumped on you but you've still looked after your baby all day, by yourself and slowly it gets easier. Dd is 11 and there are still times I'm resentful on her behalf that she deserves a loving dad. But just having some twat living with you that fathered your child doesn't equal them being a loving dad. And you don't need him either. Having someone strong minded to support you is good, but you don't need someone weaker than you to add to your burden. And whatever else he is, even if he becomes none resident super dad who financially supports you willingly, he's shown he's a million times weaker than you by fucking off like this today.

One thing I found helped me slightly was writing to Dds father. Not with any intention of sending them, but it allowed me to off load all the anger and resentment and unfairness of it all.

It does all seem bleak now, but honestly that feeling fades, even if right now it doesn't feel like it ever will. It's very early days and it's normal to feel like you do right now, but don't think feeling now that you won't cope means you won't cope in reality, you really will.

horseygeorgie Mon 19-Oct-15 23:12:35

there is help and you will be entitled to benefits.

On the child maintenance thing - 6 weeks from opening to first payment my foot! I scraped together the £20 to open the case in March. I haven't had a payment yet! CMA decided to base findings on information that was out of date by FIVE years, when 'D'P was out of work, not current findings of him on £30k a year. We set them straight and were promised a letter etc would be sent in the next couple of days. That was 2 months ago! Nightmare. I can never talk to the person who i need to speak too and I always get told off because I've lost the 5 digit number thingy but NO ONE WILL LET ME CHANGE IT!!! I bloody need that money too. I know we need to chase them up, but I resent having to chase an organization in place to sort this out FOR YOU and to whom I have PAID good money so I didn't have to chase anyone!

And breath... sorry OP. separate issue. I am sure you will be fine and you are far better off as a single Mum than having a waster who isn't up to the job dragging you both down. It isn't as daunting as it may seem at first!

DixieNormas Mon 19-Oct-15 23:15:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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